A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should i tell my gf that my ex is pregnant when i'm not sure its mine? I have a grIfriend right now, she became my girlfriend in february, when my ex found out that i have a girlfriend, a few days after, she told me that she was 1 month pregnant and claimed that i am the father. (yes, me and my ex were still doing it even thoguh we already broke up)We had sex back in january, I did use a condom though. The reason why i'm not sure if its mine is because she went out with her ex, who is the father of her 1st and 2nd child. She claims that nothing happened between him and her when they went out sincce they were with their 2nd child. My ex's father called me and was mad because of the situation, and indireclty threatened me.Now, my ex is asking for financial support from me for the baby. Last month i Was able to provide for her check up, but last week, she texted and was asking for additional money and also asked me to prepare the money for her delivery in October.My girlfriend doesnt know about my situation since i dont knwo how would she react about it, she came from a very traditional family, so that also scares me on how would she react.(since i was still seeing my ex when i was already dating/courting her)Now i'm confused, im not sure if i should tell my family and girlfriend about the situation, and whether to continue with the financial support. What scares me is what if i tell my gf about the siutation, then if she breaks up with me, then i will find out the baby is not mine. And same thing with the financial part, i'm just an ordinary employee who works 5 days a week, so having this said, i only have small amount of incme. I hope some could enlighten me on what i need to do, thanks in advance..
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 August 2012):
 Oh yeah, do not sit around and wait to see what happens. You can regret it. Take the first step and get involved. That way you can be on top of things, and YOU can control what happens next. If you let her decide what happens next you might regret it. Get a DNA test done. It is in your best interest. If the child actually is yours you want to know. I highly doubt it is yours, but don't sit and wait for it. Get it done and checked out.
If you are passive in this your ex might win. Get active, or you might lose this fight.
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (30 August 2012):
If the baby is already home I am convinced it is not yours. A premature baby would be kept at the hospital in an incubator, needing medical assistance to stay alive. It would not be home.
Premature babies are TINY. Did the child look of normal baby size? Either way, if the baby is already at home then I highly doubt it was a premature baby. It's not yours.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 August 2012):
 if the mother was one month pregnant in February that baby was not due for a couple of months and there is NO WAY it would be home after a week....
I would be proactive and get a lawyer and demand a DNA test IMMEDIATELY.... if they give you a hard time or don't want to submit, I'd really question if this baby is yours.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks oldbag.. Actually i think the baby was not placed in an incubator..cause after a week from birth, i saw the pictures that they are already home.. With regard to the Dna, im thinking of just waiting and having things unfold on their own..if the demand letter comes, then i would comply..then if not..we'll just have to wait and see..
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (30 August 2012):
 Hi
Was the baby in an incubator after birth,when they are born this premature they are usually kept in hospital as they are so tiny.
Get a DNA test done asap its the only proof you can get.If you only had sex the once,with a condom, in January, then its highly likely its not your baby.
Your Ex sounds like a woman scorned.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks chigirl..
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (29 August 2012):
That baby must be premature, yes. Have you seen any photos of it? Maybe check her facebook page, or have a friend check it for you. Many post pictures of their babies online these days. You should see right away if the baby is premature or not. A premature baby will also be in the hospital, and not be able to be taken home right away. Do you know if she's taken the baby home already? Were you present at the birth of this child, or do you know anyone who was who can tell you if it was premature or not?
I agree with your thinking that your ex is sending e-mails because she doesn't have a real case. But you should get a hold of these e-mails, print them out, or print screen, and keep it. If there is a legal follow-up, you can use that e-mail against her, as she has been bullying you online. That sort of online harassment is illegal in some countries, and can be held against her. So save yourself a copy of it.
Maybe you should contact your doctor and ask how to have a DNA test done to see if the baby is yours. You can also ask your doctor about how a premature baby would be, what complications there could be etc. A premature baby often is held at the hospital, and is at a high risk of not making it. There can be all sorts of complications. If your ex hasn't mentioned ANY complications at all, then I'm thinking she's lying about it being premature. Ask how much the baby weighed. That should give you a good indication.
Read this:
http://www.babyzone.com/newborn/premature-babies/seven-things-to-know_65735
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts been awhile since i posted this question.. I have another dilema in line with this..Among all the suggestions mentioned above, what i did was I stopped communicating with my ex, she tried to ask for additional money but i did not give any.. She gave birth this month, according to her the baby was premature..and they asked me if i will provide help with regard to the hospital bills and all, but i responded no.. Then their response was its Ok and that to just wait for their demand letter.. After a week, she sent an email to my family and friends thru facebook telling them that the baby was mine, i failed to support her, what she had to undergo because of the pregnancy and the opportunity she lost because of the pregnancy, then towards the end of the email, she stated that i was a very bad person and that they will file a case against me and they are already reviewing everything. I found out about this email thru my friends, i'm not sur whether she sent it to my gf. By the way, regarding the ex and the baby, i'm still not convinced that its mine, i maybe in the denial stage but what triggered me to think if its really mine is that how come she's spreading the news thru different channels rather than do it in a legal manner.. Which made me decide to tell my gf about my situation.. I was expecting her to get mad at me, but instead, she told me that she was disappointed me..then right after, she said she wanted us to cool off to think things over..i'm not sure how its going to end up but there's really nothing i can do..It makes me feel bad that i had to put her thru this situation when she had nothing to do with my stupidity..M not sur how long a cool off period would be and what are the possilities after this..I would like to hear from you guys..
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (30 March 2012):
Are you 100% certain about using the condom? There was no playing around before? i.e. Half way through you put the condon on? It didn't slip off or break? If your answer is no then it is really unlikely you are the father. Condoms when used properly are very safe and there is a possibility you are getting used here. Before you hand over much more cash I think you need to get your ex to sign a loan agreement that says you lend her the money until the baby is born and the paternaty established.Ask a few questions as this sounds fishy. Pregnant women don't usually have a 1 month check up! as I remember from my children it is around 20 weeks when the checking and tests begin. Actually thinking about it, no one knows when they are 1 month pregnant. You measure from the last period and so its always 5 or 6 weeks at the soonest that a woman would start to think about being pregnant.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for all your responses and tips. Appreciate it..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): You don't know if this baby is yours until it is born, and a DNA test is done.
Personally I don't think you should tell anybody apart from a lawyer, unless you want to tell eg your mum/dad for support.
I don't think you should give the ex any money until you absolutely know what is going on. You have no proof you are the father, and you used a condom. You must have proof first.
IF it turns out you are the father, then yes, you tell everyone. But personally, I wouldn't tell until it was a reality. And I wouldn't pay. It all sounds VERY fishy to me.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (28 March 2012):
why are you giving your ex money when
a you dont know if the baby is yours
b you havent been to the doctors with her so dont know if she IS pregnant
Give her no more till you know
talk to your family tell them evrything then decide when to tell your g/f you must tell her but it can wait till your family know .I think your ex is lying to you because you have a new g/f
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): You should definitely tell your gf, she has the right to know what kind of guy she is dating. If she breaks up with you over this, well too bad but that's how it has to happen because spinning a web of lies to keep someone is a horrible thing to do, better that you lose them because you were being honest, than to keep them under false pretenses and make them really hurt and mad later on when they eventually find out and then they leave you anyway.I would tell your gf the whole truth. Don't try to pick and choose what to tell her to make yourself look better. Just tell her exactly what has happened, what is going on, and let her decide if she wants to stay with you. The truth is that you don't know for sure if this baby is yours.as for the ex - I would go ahead and right now help pay for her medical bills but make it understood to her that when she gives birth, you will definitely get a paternity test done to determine if you are the father. If not, then your ex should pay you back every single cent.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (28 March 2012):
I think you should tell your girlfriend and family. Tell them how it is, that your ex girlfriend is saying she is pregnant and that it is yours, but that you are not sure it is yours. Have your family give you advice on what you should do. But tell your girlfriend, if you think that you and her will have a future. If you do not think you and her will have a future just end the relationship with her without telling her what is going on. But if you want to continue having a relationship with your current girlfriend you must tell her. Because this will affect her as well.
Ask your doctor for advice on how early a baby can get tested to see who the father is, because in this case it is uncertain who the father is, and you should not trust your ex. Your ex might be telling you the truth, but you do not know.
I think you should keep a record over how much money you are using on this baby, and how much money you are giving to your ex girlfriend. Have proof of it. So that IF the child is not yours you can make a claim to have the money refunded.
Have you seen any tests to prove that she is pregnant? Have you been able to go with her to these check ups? Can you buy her things rather than give her money? If you give her money you have NO way of knowing if she actually spends it preparing for the baby, or if she is just fooling you, pretending to be pregnant, and throwing the money on partying and new clothes for herself. She might actually be pregnant and yet using your money to just buy herself new things. So I advise you to not send her money, but to instead ask her what she needs and then buy the things and give them to her. Instead of money. That way you will know what the money is actually used on.
"What scares me is what if i tell my gf about the siutation, then if she breaks up with me, then i will find out the baby is not mine"
That is a risk you have to take. You are also taking a risk if you don't tell her, because she will wonder why you have little money (as you use money for the baby) and either you are going to have to lie to her, or tell her the truth. If you lie to her you are having a dishonest relationship and she will probably find out and you risk losing her because you lied to her. You have a much higher chance of her being with you if you are honest with her.
That said, you can still wait a month or so before you tell your girlfriend. Do not wait for too long, but you can wait a little and see how things unfold. I suggest you talk to your family first, and see what they say, before you tell your girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 March 2012):
I would not give her money till she can prove through DNA testing that the baby is yours. Put any money she is asking for away in a separate bank account so that should the child prove to be yours you will have the funds to give her. And let the ex know that you will be happy to contribute to this baby ONCE you have PROOF that the baby is yours.
I would tell your gf the truth since if your ex conceived from sex with you it was before you and the new gf were a couple.
but you also have to tell her you were cheating on her with your ex if you were... and you risk losing the current gf due to this indiscretion.
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A
female
reader, dr.2.be +, writes (28 March 2012):
 Don't agree to any child support until you get a DNA paternity test after the baby is born. I find it rather odd that your ex told you she is pregnant as soon as she found out you are dating someone else. Sounds like to me that she may be jealous and looking for a way to get you back or keep you in her life. And possibly looking for some extra $$$$ in her pocket.I would let my girlfriend in on the situation. Honesty is very important in a relationship and if she is understanding, she may be good support for you as you deal with this. If worse comes to worse and she breaks up with you, well that means it wasn't meant to be and there are plenty of other fish in the sea. However, I rather let her in on the situation now than have her find out from a third party. I would say she would most likely break up with you if she found out you were keeping this from her.
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