A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My friend cheated on her long term partner of about 17 years. He was always good to her. She treated him pretty poorly when she decided to dump him for the fella that she had been cheating with. Few years on now she has married this guy. Deep down I fear the worst for her but she seems to be happy. Is it wise to tell her my thoughts? My understanding is that these types of relationships have a low success rate for the long term. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 November 2011):
 I would not say anything to her...
besides it may work out for her.... then how would you feel?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): Why is this relationship doomed exactly? Is he cheating on her? Is he violent? Does he treat her like a doormat?
I would say nothing, your friend is probably one of the lucky ones who just does her thing and is happy, regardless, if it doesn't work out its her problem but she will probably have a Plan B ready.
Worry about yourself, shes a grown up and if she wants advice,will ask.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): see if someone whether a friend or family member were to come up to me unsolicited and say "I think your marriage is doomed" I would be like, OK...what am I supposed to do with this opinion of yours?and actually the fact that she actually left her previous 17-year relationship to marry this new guy, and that it's been a few years of marriage and she seems happy..to me that says it was the right thing for her to do. You don't know that her first partner was a good match for her. People usually cheat because they are very unhappy with their relationship. So she was very unhappy with her 17-years relationship with her first partner. That doesn't make cheating morally OK. Which maybe is why she ended that relationship so she could openly be with the person she actually wanted to be with. In fact they got married and now a few years later she's happy. So maybe her life is actually finally on the right track. who are you to judge otherwise? and based on what?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): She seems happy. Therefore, it's none of your business.
what exactly would you plan to tell her anyway? that she should divorce her husband even though she's happy, because the way she ended up with him isn't to your approval?
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A
female
reader, moon river +, writes (9 November 2011):
 definitely keep it to yourself, she might already know what you feel or she might have genuinely made the right decision. it is hard to gage a relationship unless you are in it yourself.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (8 November 2011):
 Besides possibly worry and feel badly what is your friend supposed to do with this information?
If she seems to be happy why spoil it with 'what ifs'?
Keep your thoughts on the matter to yourself.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 November 2011):
 No, keep it to yourself. You can hint at being concerned if it comes up, but tread very cautiously with this one... She needs to make her own decisions and do what she judges as best. If you are a good friend you will support her even when she does things the "wrong" way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2011): Let her learn from her own mistakes. Another way of putting it would be let her taste her own medicine.
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