Should I tell him the way I feel or let him be with this other girl?

A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I need help!! Basically the story goes me and my ex boyfriend met each other and talked the whole night at our friend’s 21st birthday party. Then about 3 months later we got together it was fab at first we were smitten with each other, but then after a while it got really boring I had fallen ill so I wasn’t really feeling up to much and for the next two weeks of our relationship, he just came to my house after working on the farm and we watched films. Now as interesting as films are, the excitement faded and I got really bored and grumpy with him. But I pushed it all aside and didn’t tell him about it, I considered breaking up with him but I said to my best friend that I would leave it till we had got back from our holiday together, but whilst I was there I started to push him away and I just didn’t want to see him, what I wanted was to have a break from him, because I sometimes found him a bit to controlling soppy and clingy. So the next day I didn’t spend any alone time with him to be honest I hardly spoke to him and I started to have more fun with my girly friends. But then my sister shouted at me and told me to stop stringing him along and tell him how I felt, but the problem was, was that I loved him and I knew how upset he would be if I was to break up with him whilst we were away together. So I ignored her but then I saw how unhappy he was and I decided that both ways I was making him unhappy so I talked to him and I made up my mind that I would break up with him, but I felt really bad as we had to spend the rest of the week with each other and it was going to be awkward. When I told him, as guessed he got really upset and didn’t talk to me for a while and then he started to talk to all my friends asking why I had broken up with him, even though I had already explained why. Then one of his friends came up to me and told me how upset he was, which wasn’t something I wanted to hear as it had taken me a lot of time to decide what I should do and it made me feel ill. He also told me that he would never have considered breaking up with me a he was too much in love with me. But after a while when I thought I was over him he was still demanding an answer to the break up and I couldn’t face talking to him as he was still looking at acting upset so, with the help of all my friends I sat and wrote him a letter, I gave it to him gave him a hug and walked away. That was it I had done it, I felt relieved and I thought it was over, I thought I was over him, but then he started seeing this other girl right in front of me, which obviously I got upset about and then once we had got home from being away he officially got with her and they have now been going out for 3 weeks, But then if he said he was too in love with me surely he cant have moved on so fast. Then the other day his brother was round (because he goes out with my best friend) and he brought one of his mates with him that I met on holiday and he really liked me, I thought I liked him but I decided nothing was going to happened because I didn’t want to look like I had moved on to quick to my parents, but whilst they were all round my ex’s brother really did remind me of him and I couldn’t stop talking about him and I had no attraction to the mate which made me feel really bad. Then once they had gone I started talking to my friend and it dawned on me that I was still not over my ex, I still loved him even though he was with another girl and I was the one to break up with him. I am really confused I really miss him and I am considering getting back with him but I don’t know whether I should tell him how I feel or just to leave him as he might be happier with this other girl. What should I do, should I try and get over him or tell him? But how do you get over a guy u still have feelings for?

View related questions: a break, best friend, my ex, on holiday

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A female reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (24 August 2009):

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