A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so here's the situation... Back in March I cheated on my boyfriend. I was out for a friends birthday and saw an old friend at the club. I ended up getting very drunk that night (no excuse) but my old friend pursuaded me to share a taxi home with him which I did (stupidly). I told him I wanted to go home but the taxi ended up dropping us off at his house. I went inside and just went to bed because I was so tired. From this point I don't remember much, all I know is that we had sex (kind of glad I don't remember the details). In the morning when I woke up I left and walked back to my car that was parked outside of my friends house. When I showered I found some blood in my undies which indicates to me that even though I was drunk I really didnt know what was happening. Now I told my boyfriend briefly what happened... well i told him that it happened but didnt tell him where or who with. He seemed supportive because i was so upset about it. I still feel so bad and have trouble letting it go. He convinced me to go and get tested for anything which I did and it was all clear. All I'm asking now is if I should tell him the full story and risk loosing him or just leave with him what he already knows and deal with my guilt on my own. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and i dont want to ruin our relationship. So far he has been so supportive of me and understands these things happen. Just so you know I told him i was very drunk BUT it happened in a change room with some random who was very rough. He doesnt know that i went home with the guy but he knows SOMETHING happened. I didnt want to tell him the full story because i couldnt bare to see him hurt and also wanted to protect the other guy involved. Should i just leave it as it is and deal with the guilt of what i've done. I know i will never do it again, i just need some reassurance.
View related questions:
cheated on my boyfriend, drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry just to clarify again about my first answer, its not worth the head aches if my bf finds out who it was for my bfs sake really. I just dont want to put it all out there because it will hurt him so much and i know if i had a choice i wouldnt have went home with that guy. i lived in the next suburb and i remember telling the taxi driver i have $20 if he takes me home but i didnt end up at home.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok I dont really want to protect this guy but i just think its not worth the head aches if he finds out who it was, i just want to try and put this behind me and move on. Believe me this is the full story i havent told any of my friends i havent been able to ask anyone close to me for advice because of what they would think of me. I have pretty much told my boyfriend what happened and he knows it happened because of my stupidity he just doesnt know i went home with the guy. Its in the past so there isn't anything that can be done anyway. I just wanted to put this out there and see what I get back and I feel that this is a way for me to move on. Thanks for your feedback, some of it i didnt want to hear but its the truth and all of those thoughts have been running through my head for last 5 months. Keep it comming guys i really appreciate the support because ive had none regarding this issue. I think for now though i'm just going to move on, leave the past as just that and not bring it up again.
Thanks again xo
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 August 2008):
 You want the other guy who raped you. After all if you were really that drunk, you were incapcitated that automatically makes it rape.
Why protect him? You see that suggests to me that you are not telling us the entire truth. Just how willing were you?
Currently you seem to say to your BF you were assaulted when drunk with a random stranger but that ain't the truth is it, you went home with another guy and had sex with him and still want to protect him, that is another story altogether.
But oh well, the advice is simple. You cheated, don't compound with lying. The most hurtful part of cheating is not just the betrayal of trust be the fact that the person lies to you.
What if he finds out the truth, or part of it anyway on his own? What if he hears you were with this guy. What then? Tell the truth then, you could try but then how would he know THAT is the truth?
Examine first off all why you protect a guy who you claim used you while out of it. Then ask yourself how he would feel if he finds out you not just cheated but are lying about it as well.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): hey, well I think that since he already knows the real poison why not give him the brand? If he understood and is supportive then u should tell him the whole thing. There is no reason why to hide it from him since he knows it had happened.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (25 August 2008):
Why the hell would you want to protect the other guy? He took advantage of you when you were drunk. How is that in anyway worth protecting?
However, I think you should not tell your boyfriend everything. You told him you were very drunk and stupid and had sex. That is all he needs to know.
Telling him the details will make him want to hunt down this guy and kill him and will just give him bad mental pictures.
Yes you cheated but you were drunk and didn't know what you were doing. The only thing you have to feel guilty about is getting drunk enough to do stupid things.
Don't drink that much again and tell your friends not to either because it is SO unsafe. Things like this happen.
Learn from it and move on, it was a mistake, not worth beating yourself up over.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
|
