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Should I tell him that I don't believe in friends with benefits?

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits, Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 March 2013) 6 Answers - (Newest, 10 March 2013)
A female United States age 41-50, *atlover30 writes:

I met this guy online, know him for 2 months, after a week emailing, he gave me his number, then he called, after another week he ask me out, i accept it, he was nice to talk. Then i got surgery, i could not see him for some time, but he will always ask how i was doing. Then we went again out. After, another week, he invited me to his apt to visit him. I went, we talk about many things, he told me i was a very mature women. After some drinks, hed had like 4, me two. He try to kiss me but i took my head off. So i kept talking natural. We sat on his bed to see tv, cause he lives on a studio room. I did, he asked me for a 5 minutes massage, he was very respecful giving it. He try to kiss me again, i responded for some seconds, but did not continue cause i just felt he was under alcohol. I then went to the bathroom, after getting out he was sitting on the bed, he looked he was like thinking a lot or maybe didnt like something. Then i told him

I was leaving, he took me to the car and ask me to text him

when i arrived safely home, i did and he text me back good night sweety. After that he havent text me back, well me either. I am atracted to him, but i dont know what he wants.. maybe he wants friends with benefits but i dont like that, i just want to get to know him better..should i ask him what does he wants or tell him i want to get to know him better, and that i dont believe in friends with benefits?

View related questions: friend with benefits, text

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A female reader, catlover30 United States +, writes (10 March 2013):

catlover30 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi, i told him that if he only wanted to be friends, then we should only share like friends and i would like to know him better,, he said it was ok and he says that he apolize if he offended me.. So as i see he only care for a friendship, but i was clear... I am glad that nothing more happens...

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A female reader, catlover30 United States +, writes (10 March 2013):

catlover30 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi thanks all for your reply, he text me, but i saw message late, just a hi.. I reply too, so i will wait to talk and get to know what he really wants, i will not visit him until i know what he really wants..hopebis not a sex thing only..time will tell, let see what happens

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (10 March 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI agree with old bag.. if you don't want to be FWB or have sex too early with him then do not put yourself in a situation where you could be having sex.

DO NOT go to his apartment

do not get massages

do not sit on the bed

do not sit and neck in the car

here's the catch, if he likes you and wants to get to know you better, he will contact you... no contact now means he's not interested in anything but sex...

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A female reader, catlover30 United States +, writes (10 March 2013):

catlover30 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi, and thanks both for your suggestions, he texted me but saw the message late and texted him back but no respond, it was just a hi..old bag your right i will not go to his apt until

I know what he really wants and get to know him better.. Thanks mandy for your response, yes i was acting stuborn..i dont want to rush things, i think i will wait to talk to him, to know what he wants or looking for or at least i will tell him what i want..thank you all, let see what happens

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A female reader, oldbag United Kingdom +, writes (10 March 2013):

oldbag agony auntHi

If you don't want friends with benefits,then do not go to his apartment.

You barely know him and it puts you in a vulnerable situation because he only has a studio so you have to lie on the bed. It gives out the wrong message.

There are things you can do that don't cost much, even just a walk or go to an exhibition, just don't go to his place till you know him better.

If he contacts you again suggest something OR text him and make plans for the cinema,a meal or drinks anyhting but his place.You will soon see what his real intentions are

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A female reader, Dear Mandy United Kingdom +, writes (10 March 2013):

Dear Mandy agony auntHI

He never mentioned anything about freinds with benifits, so I dont know why you would think that. It could be that he is shy OR it could be that you never gave him anything (sex)....unless you speak to him about this you will never know. His not text you , and you have not text him, so im guessing its a case of your both being a bit shy and scared to admit any feelings. just stop being stuborn and text him already, if he dont reply then at least you know and can move on.

Mandy x

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