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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: This might be dumb but it might be true...a year ago, I never masturbated and only watched porn occasionally. Nowadays, I've gotten myself to orgasm from specifically masturbating to lesbian porn but I've noticed that my self esteem has dropped and I've started being excessively worried about my boyfriend watching porn - even though I KNOW he doesn't do it a lot because he gets all the sex he wants and so do I. I've noticed that it's become a habit of mine to worry for no reason and to be stuck on the thought "well I haven't seen him in 4 days, he must've been watching something..." before I started masturbating, I neither cared nor gave much thought to it. It's all very ironic because since then, I've lost weight and feel more attractive, but I felt more confident when I didn't watch porn. Does this seem probable and should I cut down on the porn? I think I've given into false perceptions of what a woman should like cause I find myself striving to achieve a perfect body which I know I'll never have.Please help :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): I don't know why people ignore it might have everything to do with your inner moral compass. More and more people think to drown out this part of our make up.
I think your moral compass is telling you, you don't want to watch porn because you feel deep down it is wrong to do so. That it really offers you nothing more than a quick sexual buzz.
Its actually more common than you think that other porn viewers feel this remorse, guilt, or depression, sadness after viewing porn and getting off.
If it was 'alright' and 'normal' to do so, then why do many porn viewers express these emotions of regret?
Sometimes exploring the why you would want to view porn and why you feel the way you do afterwards is a good thing. It can be done via counselling.
Some porn viewers, who later become addicts, express this whole 'remorse' 'guilt' feelings through counselling and realize that they did so to distract themselves from inner turmoil that was present BEFORE porn viewing. Like why an alcoholic turns to alcohol due to childhood issues to distract or drown out pain/anger/fear.
That you have lost weight, may indicate you have had previous self esteem issues and that may be the underlying cause/reason of your current feelings of feeling bad and down on yourself coupled with porn viewing.
Either way, porn is not helping you feel happy, better, or adjusted, in fact its the opposite effect so I would suggest cutting it out altogether.
Hope this was of some comfort.
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (29 November 2011):
 I'm rather OK with porn as a rule but if you feel it is affecting your self-esteem you should consider quitting, yes. There are no grounds to feel insecure on account of the porn, though, most men (the ones who are worth having, anyway), prefer a real woman regardless.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 November 2011):
 It doesn't make any sense that you watch porn for masturbation, but you're worried about your boyfriend watching porn. So it's ok for you to watch and masturbate, but he can't?? That's a double standard.
All porn politics set aside, if watching these women and their tanned, toned bodies, bleached out hair, is making you feel inferior then shut stop watching it. I'll tell you, the quintessential porn star look isn't as sexy as you think it is.
Turn off the porn if it is making you that insecure about your body.
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