A
female
age
41-50,
*exylady81
writes:I am in a situation that I am married and have been for seven years. I have a boyfriend who I have meet at work and he is in early 20's and I am in my late 20's. We have gotten close to the point I have developed strong feelings for him. I actullay fell in love with him. Yes, I still love my husband very much. We have four children together. I know I screwed up and I am admitting it. I can't get over my boyfreiend who I only been talking to for three months. It's the chemistry between me and him. I feel totally different around him, and I feel so happy and relaxed. On the other hand with my husband I feel unhappy with him. I have been thinking about both of them. I actually thought about been with my boyfriend in the future. He wants to be with me but he can't have me to himself because I am married. This is a first time for both of us; he being with a married older female and for me to be with another man other than my husband. I don't want us to break up and I don't want to lose my husband, who has stayed faithful and never cheated on me and we have been together for 14 years. I am the first female in my family to cheat on my husband and seen all the guys in my family doing it including my own father. Should I stay with my husband or destroy everything for my boyfriend?
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at work, cheated on me, fell in love Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): How can you love your husband "very much" and yet cheat on him?? And then you also said you are unhappy with him.I think you are emotionally attached to your husband since you have been together for 14 years, but you don't truly love him or respect him. Emotional attachment is not the same thing as love. Love is positive feelings, caring, loyalty. Emotional attachment is a selfish feeling. It is the fear of letting go of something familiar and comfortable. You want to continue to have it just cos it has always been part of your life. If this is the case, continuing to be married to him is unfair to him.Another possibility is that you do love your husband but not as a husband. Maybe your relationship has degenerated to being more like roommates or even like siblings. Thus you can feel some kind of love for your husband but you don't see him as your husband you see him as a platonic housemate. If so this is unfair to him too.I would suggest that you sort out your feelings toward your husband first, independently of your feelings for the other guy.
A
female
reader, sexylady81 +, writes (29 November 2010):
sexylady81 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's too late we already had a sexual encounter. That's why is so hard for me to let him go. He wants to be with me to but since I am married he knows he can't have me to himself. I don't want to give either one of them up really. I know it's wrong but what can I do.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (29 November 2010):
You've been talking to your boyfriend for 3 months, compared to your 14 year relationship with your husband. The chemistry is great with your boyfriend. Well, that's not surprising. He's someone new, it's exciting, you feel sexy and attractive. But leave your husband for him? Do you really think it will work out? Do you think you will get married? Live together? Will he help you with your kids? Will he cook with you, clean with you, take care of you for better or for worse? Do you even know if he'll stand by you if you divorce your husband? Or will he head for the hills if faced with commitment?Your husband's been with you through so much. He's associated with the kids and the bills and the stress. And it's been so long that the excitement is probably gone. It's routine, it's regular. But he's the one that you had kids with, moved in with, bought a house together, have pets, all that sort of stuff. If you do love him, I would try to make it work. Because if it's just boredom and stress, it's nothing that a couple can't work through. But the cheating cannot continue. And you have to come clean to your husband.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): Whatever you decide. You need to do it soon and you need to tell your husband. He doesn't deserve this nor your children.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): You say you have seen all the guys in your family cheat and now you are doing it. You brought in four kids into this world, is this a cycle you want them to see repeated in you? You say you love your husband and your boyfriend, this cannot be true, real love is also about respect, respect for your husband, yourself and the vows you took. Seriously think about what your next move will be because this will affect the lives of a lot of people not just yourself, this is the responsibility you took upon yourself when you got married and had your children. If this is really a love strong enough to divorce your husband over then by all means go ahead and tell him, come clean and allow him to move forward with his own life and find someone else, he can devote himself to.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): Too late.Well done, you've already destroyed it. You've dug your own grave.There's no excuse for cheating. If you unhappy with your husband,talk to him,let him know,if you cant work it out,get a divorce.Dont cheat.You say you love youre husband,yet you cheat on him?You love him,but you say you're unhappy with him,it doesnt make sense. Nobody forced you to cheat,you made a conscious decision to do so. So you will have accept and bare whatever comes your way once the sh%t hits the fan,and it will.Remember,what you sow,you will reap.I really hope things dont turn ugly,but i doubt it.This is a recipe for disaster. Goodluck
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (29 November 2010):
One thing I will say from the outset is that only
You should think very, very seriously before throwing away a seven-year marriage (14 yr relationship) and breaking up a family consisting of four children.
Think what impact it will have on them.
You have to ask yourself why you are unhappy with your husband and then talk things through with him.
Cheating often stems from unhappiness in a relationship that could otherwise be avoided by talking to each other.
Is this new man just lust perhaps? given that you can't have him or he have you as if you were both single?
Your family history suggests cheating is on the cards (I get the impression nothing sexual has happened yet) and while there may be a history, this is still no excuse to cheat.
Don't jump to any decisions on either side.
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