A
female
age
41-50,
*ostinlove2010
writes:I have a very complex issue, and im sorry in advance for this long story, but I need help. From the beginning: I married at 17 , had 3 kids by age 24 and an alcholic husband. In 2004 I met some one online who I ended up leaving my husband for , and I have been dating him for 5 years. My divorce was final two years ago and although there were severe issues with our marriage, my ex husband has remained my best friend, and the only one I run to when Im in trouble, the one I feel safe with, and the comfort level is remarkable, its just right. If I had to choose someone to hang out with and just laugh and have a good time , it would be my ex husband , over my boyfriend.My current relationship is long distance and has been the entire time , I am facing the issue of having to move with my kids across the country in a few months. I have recently realized how much Imiss my ex , and how right the feeling is , and how I do not feel " in lvoe" with my boyfriend. But here is the major issue: My boiyfriend is WONDERFUL, loving ,caring , intelligent, highly educated, stable, and he loves me for me, he also loves my kids and is willing to sell the home he has lived in for years only because he would have to have more space for my kids. He is basically uprooting is life for me and my kids, as am I for him. My ex husband still drinks alot , doesnt have a job , lives with his parents and has alot of emotional issues. But he says that the only reason he is still in that position is that when he lost me , he lost the will to live, and all his motivation to make something of his life. He still cries to me all the time about how much he loves me and wants me back and how he will do anything to accomplish that. I do believe him , but Im afraid... I look at the life my kids would have if I stay with my current boyfriend. He wants to give them a stable family, and good future, he wants to love them as if they were his own. My ex (their father) has nothing to offer them, in terms of a future. I feel that I must think responsibly for the sake of the kids, and by way of contrast, my BF is 110% better role model for them. He is the type that saves money for college (as am I) my ex husband is the type that survives on nickel and dimes because he cant manage money. I love them both, and they are complete opposites, I would ba happy with either of them, but at this point , if Im following my heart, I do believe that I would want to be married to my best friend. In the end , isnt that whats important? Im so confused.
View related questions:
best friend, divorce, long distance, money, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lostinlove2010 +, writes (22 February 2010):
lostinlove2010 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the great honest responses.. I just dont want to spend my life with someone knowing it doesnt feel right, only because they are good for me , and my kids.. that seems so selfish of me. I am sort of disattached from my current relationship and it is hitting us hard, I have been this way for abo0ut 6 months now. I dont feel in love with BF, and I have sort of gone my own way. and we fight about it most everyday. He is basically beggin me for my love, and I find it harder and harder to feel in love, much less show it. I feel sorry for him, and Even if it werent for my ex husband, I just feel that when the in love feeling for BF went away that there wasnt a whole lot underneath. we have been through alot together and the long distance and stres that goes with it has most certainly played a huge part in all this. But at the end of the day, we just dont mesh well. I do not feel that I can attend to his needs the way he needs me to. BF is very needy, and whiny, extremley emotional. And I am too , but not even half as much as he is. I swear he is every womans dream... He is the type that loves to cuddle and craves time toether and actually knows how important that is in a relationship. two weeks agoa when I met him at the airport, he met me with roses and balloons, no special reason, then when we got home the whole house was lit with candles and he ran me a bubble bath bc he knows how tired I get from flying. He is just perfect.. sigh ..
But I also fear that he needs that way to much to balance a life with small kids, and I worry that will take a toll and he will begin to resent my kids.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 February 2010):
 Your boyfriend is doing a lot to please you. One more thing he needs to show you is his fun side and his lover side. Allow him to be your 3 in 1 guy: The friend, the lover, and the dad and make sure you reciprocate on all three facets of a relationship. One unfair thing that people do is stereotype those responsible guys as boring and predictable. Your ex says he would do anything to win you back but won't stop drinking unless you come back first. If he can't do this for himself, he can't do it for you and your children.
...............................
|
