A
male
age
36-40,
*errusivicible
writes:I have been dating a girl for about 4 months now, when we first started talking she had been in a 4 yr relationship with a guy who she felt wasn't as committed as she was. Well we started talking and next thing you know we were madly in love and not thinking so she left the guy moved out and started seeing me. By February I realized she wasnt the right person for me (she got mad at me for taking my father to the hospital instead of hanging out with her, I should have taken the time to call and whatnot) this along with a few other things made me want to break up with her. So as I was in the emergency room planning how to break up with her she gave me a call. She was pregnant. I forgot the whole thing and freaked out I almost joined the army and married her. I told my parents who talked me out of it (told me to think things out and then make decisions and things were ok for awhile and now as we approach month four I find I really dislike this woman but i cant stand the thought of the baby thinking i ran out on it. I want to be there for every checkup and im afraid that if we do separate she will not let me in the room with her when the baby is born, she may not even give it my name.. Up until recently I was able to maintain her questions of me still liking her at bay but lately I physically cannot make love to her which is making her extremely suspicious. I guess I just cannot stand being with her and in fact most if not all the time I spend with her is a sacrifice. Should I sacrifice myself and keep in this relationship or is it worse to lie to her and tell her i love her even though Im just with her for the baby?
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female
reader, raiders +, writes (16 April 2010):
 Be honest break up and don't let it be a messy break up. Tell her you want to be in your child's life that you want to be responsible and take care of your child financial and emotional need. I can't see a mother denying her baby's daddy the right to be involve because as a mother we want the best for our children, but not all women are the same so if she don't allow you to have contact with your child get a lawyer and sue her.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 I think you should be honest with her and say that you do not have those feelings for her anymore. The pregnancy was unplanned and way too early in your relationship for you and her to even know if you were serious with each other or not.
This is hard for you, but do not worry about the child. If this woman is anything close to a real lady who is sensible and has respect for her babay's father, she should not cause any problems. It is highly immature to keep you away from your child just because she is feeling ditched. By doing that she would be punishing you and her own child. I really hope she has the senses not to. But continuing lying to her is not good either. You are hurting yourself, and for how long can you really keep it up? The deeper you dig yourself into it the harder it will be to get out.
I suggest that before you leave her, get some legal advice. It might be a little expensive, I dont know because I never had to seek out legal advice, but it will be worth it. Because if you can get legal help, and state that you hav a right to be with the baby so and so much, she can not take the child away from you. Of course you wouldn't be able to be with it 100% of the time. But she wouldn't be able to keep you away either. I think you should try and get a settlement for 50/50, that you have the child 50% of the time.
And if she is reasonable you two can live close to each other, maybe in the same neighbourhood, so that you can have split custody without any further inconvenience.
I am sure things will get sorted out in the end. You have to stay calm and not do anything too rash. You are still so young that all of this is overwhelming at the moment, but I am sure you will figure it out. Just take one step at a time. Get some legal advice, or at least read up on your rights (the rights of the father vary depending on where you live). You could also ask your family for advice and help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): You should not lie to her. Break it off and take it to court to make sure you have rights to your child. You will be unhappy for your whole life if you stay with someone you cant stand. Just because your not with her doesn't mean you are walking out on the child. you don't want your baby growing up in a house where it's parents are at each others throats. Think of your self first. It's like an oxygen mask on a plan help your self before you help others or you will be the one with no air. Make sure you are happy so the baby will be too.
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