A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I broke up a few months ago after dating for a year. We broke up bc of mounting tensions that all started with our engagement. Things got out of hand and next thing I know he's breaking up with me. It's been 3 months yet we talk almost every day. I was allowing it bc I wanted to see if he'd come around. I couldn't take it anymore and ask him his intentions and he told me he will always care about me and wants to be in my life. I told him we can't be friends bc I'm in love with him and need to cut ties.So, a week later, I send him a letter asking if he'd consider getting back together. He said that no matter how much he loves me and how great we are together, something inside tells him I'm not the one.But I had to be the one at some point if he proposed!!Will he ever change his mind? Should I stay in his life with the hope he'll see me as his fiance again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): I meant to say " you do not have to agree on everything in order to have a healthy relationship."
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): You know if he told you that something inside him tells you that you are not the one you can't really change him.
A lot of people confuse love with feelings....feelings come and go, true love is about commitment, it just is. Your fiance can not commit to you. He wouldn't be able to go the distance in a marriage with you if he couldn't handle some stress brought on by what ever reason. It may be that the two of you have not learned how to communicate well enough to work out your issues, or one of you just either refuses to come to emotional closure on your issues or simply is not capable of that.
You don't have to agree on everything or have a healthy relationship and your fiance may just not get it.
The point is you are better off knowing how he is now then going through a painful divorce later on. If it hurts you too much to be friends, then cut all ties with him and go on with your life.
My uncle had a saying "Let's see you put wishes in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first." It is crass, but it makes a point. The only person you can effect change on is you..
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