A
female
age
41-50,
*ood Girl
writes:For background, my first question was in March. It's called "We've been through more than anyone can imagine..." Thank you!Hi guys, i want to thank you again for all your help and kindness. I wish i had a happier update on the situation but i may be contorting the truth to make it seem worse than it really is. That is why i am asking for your help again. Here's the gist of it... Over the last several months Kevin and I have been communicating, mostly by text but sometimes he calls so that we can hear each other. We have a friendship that is so wonderful and the flame is still there, but we restrain ourselves because he has not gotten a divorce yet and they still live together (he's on the couch and has been since long before I called) He has spoken to her more than once about a divorce. They are treating each other like roommates and co-parents, but she also agrees that she no longer wants to be married. They do not fight. She is a good person. They just got married for the wrong reasons and are pretty incompatible. She also wants to move home to Texarcana. That is where the trouble starts. He does not want to separate either of them from their 4 year old son. About 2 years ago his wife left him because they were struggling financially and her father told her to come home. She took the baby with her. Kevin says that that was when he gave up on having a real commitment to making things work. He did convince her to come back for the sake of their son. She had been gone for almost a year and hardly had called to even let him know about the well being of his own son, but she came back and they agreed to make it work there even if they were divorced. Now she wants to move away again and he doesn't want to cart the little guy back and forth across the country in some strange custody agreement. He is just too young for that. I think he is trying to stall until he gets into school for added leverage. The reason i don't know this for sure is because we haven't spoken in a month. On the 5th of July Kevin sent me a message that he couldn't talk for awhile. Things had been fine, but his 19 year old nephew had moved in with them and basically robbed him of any private time he had to talk to me. He promised to talk to me soon but my idea of soon must be different from his. For a little while id send him text updates of what my dog and I had been up to and wishing him and his son a nice day without expecting a reply. Now i barely send any but the more time that goes by the more pain I feel and have fallen into a kind of depression. I don't want to give up. I feel like our chance will come and know that they both know that a divorce is best. I don't know what to do with myself though. I know I come second to his son. I am ok with that but a MONTH? I want to know why but I don't want to be pushy. I want to talk to him sobu badly but i can't! What does all this mean? What do you guys think is going on. I have tried my very hardest to do everything right and good in this very delicate situation. I know he loves me and i know he is a good man willing to sacrifice his own comfort for those who need him. i wish i was able to be there for him cause I know this hurts him too. Should I still send him a text now and then? Or should I hold my breath? Thank you so much, i really am in need of some comfort and guidance. Thank you thank you!!
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female
reader, Good Girl +, writes (10 October 2009):
Good Girl is verified as being by the original poster of the question I want to thank all of you for your help and advice without which i may not have had the courage to see my heart through. THere is a long journy ahead before Kevin and I can live our dream, but we are close friends and our friendship has been growing stronger. I am so happy and believe i bring a bit of happiness into his life. Superficially we have remained friends for 7 months. We have respected the boundary of his marraige vows. The situation is complicated but i trust him completely. He fears that his wife will take his son halfway across the country if he files for divorce. Over a year ago she left him and what i didn't know before was that she refused to contact Kevin or any of his family for months to even say that his son was ok. He has a very close relationship with his son. I have met him and cant say enough about how wonderful he is! They have a true bond of love. I feel more strongly that they stay close together than I feel desire to be with Kevin. Still, I have stayed alone and single, waiting and hoping for a breakthrough. I know that their marriage has been dissolved in the spiritual sense before i even arrived on the scene. I have been good, even though I feel strong temptation, but i feel that if I just wait this out, everything will work out. Meanwhile I am just loving Kevin in the ways i can. There is no question that he shares my feelings and the purity of intention that we have is stronger than what seems to be an impossible obstacle at this point. His wife is willing to divorce (he asked her for one)but only if he allows her to move back to her home state 1000 miles away, with their son. He of course retracted his request..and stopped talking to me for awhile, which was painful for us both. We both fell into depression until we finally had to agree to at least be friends. Neither of us could bear the thought of falling out of each others' lives again. We both promised that no matter what we would always stay connected. We talk once a week, and we try not to get too emotional, but sometimes we do. I don't feel guilty as i did at first. I don't think we are doing anything truly wrong, but i am not by nature a deceptive person. It may take years, but we will be together, and I am willing to wait for years. This is true love. I didn't always know it, but i have always felt it. I am in the middle of my life. Fourteen years have gone by since we first fell in love. We have learned so many lessons and are able to share love even with miles and years separating us. Thank you for making me brave and reassuring me. This is one of the most noble and kind websites that i have ever encountered and you are some of the most noble and kind people i have met with. Your few words have changed my life in the best way possible. I was wandering lost and now my path is before me. I am going home. Thank you all so much and I hope there is always perfect love in your lives!
A
male
reader, sureshvisw  +, writes (2 August 2009):
I totally agree with what Quirklady has to say about your affair. In my honest opinion it does sound fishy. How do u know he sleeps on the couch. have u spoken to his wife to know that they are getting a divorce and stuff. I appreciate him wanting to share time with his young son but that doesnt mean you are out on a limb. The Moving in of a cousin should not affect the ability of this guy to keep in touch if he genuinely cares.
I dont know the entire background. But give him one last chance - Call him and talk to him about how you feel on this - tell him you care but cannot hold the torch for long. if the response is lukewarm its time you move on and create a new life for yourself. I know its not easy but its better late than never
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (1 August 2009):
 Something really fishy is going on. I get that he has another family member moved in but he should be able to make time to send you a quick text now and then. If he hasn't answered your texts after a month I think you need to pull back from him and meet some new people. It sounds like a very sticky situation anyway and it's good to be cautious.
Good luck.
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