A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My best friend has some family problems. She is 16 and she has a 11 year old brother. She lives with her mum,dad,and brother in the same city as I do. Her father is not a nice person at all. He is not working, so her mum has to work all day to pay everything. The father cheats on her mother and he doesn't care about his kids. Only sometimes he puts some "rules" to my best friend just to show that he is a "father". He is bullying really hard her brother and he is making him really aggressive. When the kids were young he had left for years and then he came back.He is African and her mother is European. Her mum knows that she has to break up but she is not making the decision. She wants to break up but she is not strong enough.(that's only what she thinks). My mum is talking with her about this all the time and she says she wants to break up.The kids hate him. They don't see him as a father at all. He is also using his kids money from their bank account just because he doesn't want to find a job. What should I do? In the country I am leaving, I can tell the police and they can check their house and see how the kids are living. Should I do that? Is it too much? I would appreciate it if you answered me.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 April 2017):
 Just be their for your friend and offer her support. This is not a matter for the police and could just make things worse.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (23 March 2017):
 Suicide is a lot worse than this situation. Calling the police to save someone is necessary, but calling the police to this situation is not. He isn't being abusive, just a crappy father who is a bully. Without having proof of abuse, police can't do anything. Even if someone went round to check, it would likely make things worse, not better.
Leave it unless he physically abuses them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2017): It depends. If you can give an anonymous note to the police, do it. Here's the thing. I did something like this to my best friend when he wanted to commit suicide. He hated me for years -- but he's alive right now. Getting the police involved (anonymous or not) will change your relationship with your best friend, it will affect their family dynamics. Realize that change is slow, but that any intervention will enable them to grow and recognize the situation. And also realize that if things get worse after the police intervene, it's not your fault. It could have been even worse if you didn't intervene. no matter the result, go with your gut instinct and be patient. If your friend finds out it was you, your friend might hate you or not talk to you, but you have to just accept this as part of growth and change. if you have an adult you trust, you might want to first talk to them first. Some schools have abuse hotlines and such, so you might call anonymously and ask for their advice, and it's less intense than the police and they can give you (or your friend) resources on how to deal with this situation. Either way, it's really good that you care, that you recognize that it's not a normal situation, and that you want to speak up. too often, ppl don't speak up and the damage is worse.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (21 March 2017):
It's too much. It's not your place and could do more harm than good. The only time this is a good idea is if you see signs of physical abuse or neglect. As they still have their mum, they are not being neglected. As there is no abuse, just crappy parenting, there's nothing the police can/should do.
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