A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:About a month ago my long term partner of two years told me she "loved me but was not in love with me" and called the whole thing off. This was the day after thanksgiving where we had been planning next years christmas trip and also firming up future plans with family and friends around. It's kind of suspicious as the same night, she went out to a church function I was "not invited" to, and would not answer the phone all night. Very suspect. We had recently had a vacation to England which my girlfriend could not fully afford, so we put her costs (flight, food etc) onto a joint credit card we shared. The plan was to pay this off together, especially as we were starting to pool our funding. She has a lot of debt, $50k at least, which I would have been more than willing to take on in a marriage and then pay off for the sake of our future. Either way, she bailed on our commitment to marry and have children (we had been talking this way for over a year). I have come to try to take care of finances and pay off any portion of my debt on the join credit card, however my ex is now insisting that I also pay half of her trip expenses to England (around $1500) as she insists that paying it off together means paying it off together even if she walks out on her commitments..I have politely countered that the offer for us to share the burden of the trip to England was made in good faith that we would be together with join finances. I said that I did not think it fair for me to be expected to cover half of her vacation given the circumstances of her just changing her whole life one evening and cutting me out of it from that point onwards. I guess im looking for advice. Should I pay off the $1500 she is after? I know now a lot of what she did with me was using me for various benefits (such as health, financial etc) but was a bit blind to see it at the time. Shes using that same guilt she used to get benefits and money from me again now in order to ensure I agree in writing to cover her half of the England trip. HELP!
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christmas, debt, money, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 January 2009):
 Morally, she's the one who made the choices and she needs to own up to her own choices and part of that choice is this consequence. I think she should honor her commitments and pay for what she agreed to in the first place. You don't tell someone that you can't pay it AFTER you've had the benefit of the funds. That's simply selfish, rude and irresponsible. Man, you had a very lucky escape from this woman. Yuck.
So I would tell her that she is responsible for her share of the trip, as agreed beforehand. Tell her to make her arrangements to do so.
Then I think, she will be unable to do that, so you need to prepare for this. And that gets me to the sad fact that not paying this bill could have negative consequences for you. You also in essence agreed to the terms of the joint card, which was that you would be responsible for her side should she default.
Practically, you have to make sure that this situation does not affect your credit score. I think it would be a good idea to have a discussion with the credit card company to discuss your situation and your options. If things do turn out badly in this, at least you have logged your intentions with the credit card provider.
If it helps, think of it as choosing a $1500 debt over a $50,000 one. What if she had bailed after your finances were joined up? You'd be in a much deeper hole than this relatively shallow dip you're standing in.
So I'd say that while you have right on your side, the unfortunate reality of the credit market probably means that you need to cover her backing out.
Good luck, and thank God you're rid of her.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): no im not high lol. I just wonder if its the right thing to do. I see one answer in favor, one against :(
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta  +, writes (10 January 2009):
 are you high?
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A
male
reader, roadman +, writes (10 January 2009):
 If shes bailed out then you don't have to pay her anything, only pay if it makes you feel better and you love her and want to help..
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (10 January 2009):
I think if you agreed to pay for it at the time then you should pay for it. However you said you'd do it "together." So she should pay for half and you should pay for half.
If you want to be safe then take her to small claims court and get a legally binding agreement of how much each of you should pay.
Good Luck!! xx
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