A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband owns the house next door to us. Our friends are currently moving out and purchasing a house. A girl (whom my husband liked and lusted after 10 years ago wants to move in there). She is single and will have a girl roommate. He has told me how they never did anything because he didn't want to be involved in her family but he did want to. This was 10 years ago. BUT, I fear with her young age and that she is single....things could lead to things and something could happen. My husband and I are about 50% happy.My question is - should I let this happen and let her and her roommate move into the house next door to us or should I request he find someone else. He already knows I have an issue with her although he denies wanting anything to do with her now. This is really my problem - BUT, I feel with me already having a problem, this will only spark more.Advice or suggestions please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): How did he get in touch with her and how did she even know about the let?
I think you should tell him you want to consider an anonymous person living there because if there is a problem it will be hard to tackle her over (noise, damage etc). I don't believe in mixing personal aquaintances with business for that reason. As this person is also going to be a neighbour of yours you have a say in the selection process. Would you rather it was a couple than risk late night parties, noise in the street etc?
If her knowing about the room is innocent, it does not follow that because he fancied her years ago he would give you up for her. Where is your faith in his feelings for you?
Perhaps you should say that the prosepct of her arriving made you feel insecure and you realise the reason is that you think he is about 50% happy with you. This in turn made you think you would like to strengthen your marriage and make some exciting plans together. Then agree to choose another lodger.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): Take the risk and let it be a test for your marriage OR say no and preserve what you have and work to make your marriage happier. Personally I wouldn't want the threat hanging over me and even if my marriage was 80% happy I think I'd still be niggled on a daily basis. I fear you will make this woman next door your hobby - watching out for her and making comparisons. Don't do it to yourself. If you don't need to..... why should you?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 January 2008):
 I think it would probably be wiser at this point to have someone else rent the house next door. Your marriage doesn't sound strong enough to handle the added stress. I'm sure your husband will be able to understand this since he knows you had issues over this other woman in the past. You guys have some work to do to get your happiness level higher than 50% so I wouldn't bring in any distractions right now.
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A
female
reader, Dawnie  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 Well it was 10 years ago,things and feelings can change a great deal over that period of time. You husband has said that he is not interested in her now, and that could well be the case.The differnce being as well that this time round he is married to you so is not in a position to be with this girl.However, you know your husband, you do sound as though you think that an affair will develop between these two. Has your husband ever cheated? Another thing to take into consideration is that if someone wants to have an affair, where they live does not really come into it, if they want to do it, they will. The other thing i would point out if you say to your husband that you are fine with this girl living next door, you are telling him you trust him. Also did this girl like him years ago?, don't forget it takes two to have an affair, you may find she has'nt the slightest interest in your hubby and hopefully the fact that he is married would stop her going there anyway. Hope this helps.
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