A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I'm very confused as to whether I should leave my fiancee´ or not. I Left college to be with her in hometown. I knew her for a year before I popped the question. She was great while we were in college. Her personality was great, we had fun together, and I just loved being around her. Once we moved back to her hometown a lot of nasty habits came out of the closet. The minute we got off the plane she just lost the need to do anything. Whether It was to help clean, go hang out, or any of the things we used to do. I found myself doing everything cleaning the house everyday because she won't put her things up. Her dogs urinate every where. She just plain acts like she doesn't hear me talking to her sometimes. When I voiced how I felt about how she was acting, and said was going to leave. She got her mother and father to come over and beg me to keep trying. After trying for 7 months she has made slight changes, but the problem is now I'm exhausted with dealing with all the stressful behavior. I'd never want to hurt her, but a voice telling me should leave. When go through the motions to do it I feel guilty for trying to leave. Do I leave or should I stay?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): By just going through the actions, you are enabling her to act this way. If your going to take care of things, why should she? Find a way to make her take care of her own stuff or she'll never learn.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): You have a fiancee who is lazy...she has picked up bad habits in her life and/or was poorly trained, in her past. And then again, some people come from spotless home, but have a personality that doesn't allow them to take pride in their homes. Hard to respect someone who doesn't clean up after herself, isn't it? It's not your job to 'retrain' her in the art of good housekeeping. It's likely she had someone else picking up after her, in her childhood and the years at home. Someone forgot to teach her proper life skills. Or maybe all attempts were made to teach her and she just didn't care to learn. You have made all attempts to get her to make some positive changes, but I am not sure if you will be able to. It's tough to break old habits. You are a guy who doesn't want a future like this...living in a pigsty. I don't blame you. The stress of seeing this and having to live in it...will wear on your nerves. It will get worse when you marry and have children living in this mess. Your nerves will frayed beyond the limit. It sounds like you like order and cleanliness. She doesn't care. So this is a core relationship difference. We can't tell you to leave or stay. If you feel this is workable and you can tolerate the mess for years to come (some people can) ...then stay. But if you can't...you will have to make the decision to leave.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): Hi Hunny,
Oh I really feel for you, You are being taken for granted, If you allow this to continue she will never want to change, As you are willing or have been to do everything she is used to it now. She obviously does not want you to leave but getting her parents involved is not a good idea as a couple you should be able to talk through these problems and come to a compromise hunny, You need to stop doing everything as you are going to get extremely stressed and could end up ill. Love is a two way thing so if she wants to spend the rest of her life with you, You need to tell her its time she took some responsability for your relationship if she wishes to keep you hunny, This may sound harsh but its a wake up call thats needed here and maybe some time apart will make her realise what she has in such a good partner. I hope this helps hunny you can be the only one to decide if you dont love her anymore and want to leave PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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