A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Heyy guys i have a question about a girl i know lets call her "a" and she has had a boyfriend lets call him "b". i have been friends with this girl for quite sometime now, and she has been having relationship troubles with b for months now and she kept running back too him and breaking up again and again. And i have always been by her side for the last 4+ months to listen to her talk about her problems with her boyfriend and iv tried my best to support her and give her as much good advice as possible. and for the last several weeks she keeps feeling soo depressed and i try to make her happy but nothing seems to work. Her boyfriend broke up with her recently and its all been downhill since and im wondering if i should still keep trying to make her feel better and be there for her like i want to but i just don't want to make her sad. What should i do ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): My rule in break up situations is to just be there OP, spend time with them doing stuff and just let them talk away.
Trying to cheer someone up in that situation rarely works and can get very tiring, so just accept she's depressed and let her work through it.
Now my rule for on/off relationship friends is to not be there for them because frankly I get sick of having to listen to the shit they themselves created and not only are not trying to solve but are actively making things worse for themselves. They do not listen and the best way to help them is to let them see that while they may want to put themselves through that stuff over and over it's getting you down and you don't want to live life stressed and depressed being burdened by a problem they refuse to fix.
Blonde30s is right OP, you have to be firm and tell her you can only help her if she helps herself and he's gone for good. Because he's obviously no good for her and you're not being a good friend by helping her build up the emotional strength to keep going back. You're being her enabler by always being her fallback, without you as her enabler she may finally see that she can't keep doing that because she's just going to be a shitty depressed friend all the time banging her head on a wall trying to make the unworkable, work.
I always ditch my on/off relationship friends, I tell them I love them but I can no longer be around a person who is actively destroying their life because I can't let it bring me down too. If they're not willing to protect me from being indirectly affected by their poisonous relationship bullshit then they find another shoulder to cry on.
I always say make your choice, right now it's me or that relationship, if you choose that relationship then I'm gone until you've sorted it out.
Life is good for me and I will help any of my friends through any pain except for the self inflicted type, want to sabotage your life by ruining it with an addiction to drugs, a bad relationship, alcohol, or not dealing with your problems? Then kindly fuck off and annoy someone else with your weak, defeatist attitude.
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