A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy online about three months ago. We've been talking since but have never met. He's tried to a couple times but I laughed it off because I had a boyfriend and didn't want to. Well, my boyfriend broke up with me about three weeks ago, so I talked to him a lot more. When he found out I was single, it was like a light switch went off, and he's been extremely flirty since. I asked him what the deal was and he said that he backed off before because he knew I had a boyfriend and didn't want to cross a line. We decided to hang out tomorrow for the first time and I'm wondering about sex. We're both coming out of relationships recently and I know he DEFINITELY wants to do it. We talked and I told him that I didn't want to seem easy because I'm really not and he said he'd wait however long I wanted, go out on as many dates as I wanted, whatever it took until I felt comfortable enough to take that step with him, if ever. If not, he still wanted to be friends. The thing is, I really do want to. I feel like he'd be a good way to get over my ex-boyfriend, but at the same time I don't want to be taken advantage of, by sleeping with him and him disappearing on me after. Even though he said he would wait, I'm wondering if that's some sort of reverse psychology method of making me want to sleep with him or something. I can't explain it, but I feel like he's playing some sort of game. Like by saying he'd wait and he wouldn't look at me negatively and that what we'd be doing is only natural and blah blah, it's supposed to make me want to sleep with him more or something. I'm confusing myself here, but what do you guys think? Should I just say screw it and do whatever I want to do without caring what he thinks of me??
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (5 December 2011):
You can't really think you are being used, if you are doing what you want, and maybe even using him??? Hmmm, bit of double standards there maybe?The real question is whether you really like each other and would maybe have a good relationship? In this case being each others redemption ^^^^k is probably not a good way to start, and it sounds like you know that already.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): Hey!
I wouldn't just rush into things. Deep down you're hurting I imagine from the loss of your previous relationship but bedding the next man who gives you attention isn't going to make you feel any better. The fact you are questioning it makes it seem you may regret jumping straight into bed.
Please, please go careful meeting him. Yes you have been talking for a long time but please let someone know you are meeting him in person for the first time and have them arrange to call you 30mins into the meeting. If you need an excuse to leave then that phone call will be the perfect excuse and if you don't answer your friend will know to try again or check by where you arranged to meet him.
I always stress to people to go careful as you are putting yourself into a vulnerable position. I have never done online dating but I have had a strange follow and attempt to abduct me and I always stress how important it is to not put yourself in a position where someone could take advantage of you.
If this guy means what he says and will wait then get to know him better and if you get along and there is an attraction between you both then there is nothing wrong with sleeping with him, waiting for the right time probably will help you forget about your ex and you would have no reason to regret it by waiting, even if the relationship fizzles out eventually he might bring some happiness to your life at a time when you needed it.
Take care x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): what are your reasons for wanting to?? is it just to get over your ex? because if so, just a few nice dates with a guy who respects you should do the trick.
this guy is offering you respect, you should take it, and make it known that you appreciate that.
an ex is the past, dont let an ex have any more to do with your future than a valuable lesson, whatever lessons that may be.
and if this guy becomes a valuable lesson, dont give up the thirst for respect with the next
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 December 2011):
 You don't fully trust him. Don't have sex with him for now. It sounds like he's being patient in the expectation of having sex. Is he being patient in the expectation that he'll begin a relationship with you?
I'd sit back and let him pursue you. If he wants more than sex, if he wants to be with you, he'll try to court you.
It sounds like you'll regret rebound sex so don't do it with a guy you're meeting face to face for the first time, that sounds like a really bad idea to me.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (3 December 2011):
 You said it yourself, you feel like he's playing a game.
I don't think that by having sex with this guy will help you get over your ex personally. If you want to meet him, but aren't sure about jumping into bed with him, then this guy needs to know this. If he cancels, then you know that he just wants to get in your knickers.
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (3 December 2011):
 What he thinks of you is irrelevant. What you would think of yourself is more important. If you would be happy with yourself for doing it, go for it. If you think you would regret it, that is a sure sign not to go with it.
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