A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’ve liked this girl for years, when we first met she had a BF, when they broke up I asked her out, but she was already seeing someone else. We’ve kept off and on contact (I have her number and socials, and recently her close friend started working with me. She mentioned her being single again and I asked her if she would like to go out that weekend. I was so nervous I even asked several close friends advice, and only one responded, kinda. said I should go for it, my other 9 friends I askednever responded,Well I asked her outShe said she was very busy,so I asked her when she would be free next,and she never responded.That was close to 2weeks ago, I’ve also noticed she’s usually too busy to hang out a lot of the time before this one.I’m very used to rejection and being ignored, but this one hurt a lot more than usual. Should I just delete her of my phone and socials? Would that help? Also I still never heard back from my friends I asked for help,should I just delete them to? I really needed help and everyone just ignored me. This is made worse since I found out, at least in my friends case, they weren’t busy, they just… didn’t respond I guess!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2022): Yes, you should delete her from your contacts; and take the rejection like a man. She spared your feelings by not giving you a flat-out "no." I'm a man too, and I know how rejection can be such a blow to the pride and ego; and it hurts our feelings to like someone who doesn't reciprocate our feelings.
You have to know the difference between an attraction for someone; and when you might be developing an infatuation or obsession for a person. She tells you she's busy; so that is a somewhat cowardly/roundabout way of turning you down; and it's also a way she is sparing your pride. She is aware that you like her, that's not the problem. It's that she doesn't like you in the way you like her.
Take "no" for an answer; and move on, my friend. Some people will not use the two-letter word "NO!" You are left to draw "no" as the conclusion when you never get a "yes."
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2022): Delete her from your contacts if you wish, but in your shoes I'd try to not be so bitter. Nothing ventured nothing gained, you tried your luck and you got shot down - hey ,it happens, it happens all the time, it happens to everybody at some point. Dust yourself off, smile and ...try again with someone else in future. I also honestly do not think that the girl did anything horrible, sure she has not been very straightforward but, well, I guess she hoped you'd get the hint - " I am too busy " ,generally speaking , is code for " forget about it, pal " - when they are interested people always manage to make time !, or at least they would say " totally swamped with work right now, but please do call me again in 3 weeks ". She hoped you'd figure it out by yourself, also seen her unavailability to hang out even before that. Being rejected sucks, but if one is a decent person with a minimum of empathy, even being the one who rejects is not that easy . Would you have preferred if she had said " Heck no, I am single, Ok, still I would never consider to go out with you , that's the last thing I have in mind " ??
As for your friends , no, do not delete them. Do you really want to delete 9 people all together just because they weren't at your beck and call to play Agony Aunt ?? You did not "need " their help, it was not an emergency, it's not like they refused to take you ,bleeding and bone-broken,to the E.R. You are a fully grown adult, you are capable of making decisions on your own about your love life and so you should. Maybe your friends felt it was not that urgent, maybe they did not have any advice to submit, maybe ...they want to stay out of your drama ( the simple fact that you ask 9 - NINE - different people if you should ask a girl out, suggests that maybe you tend to be a bit too apprehensive, too obsessive ,too dramatic about stuff ). Maybe you rely on their advice too much or too often, and they want to wean you off this habit. Who knows,- sure , they did not rush to run in your help and I see how this may have mortified you, then again, from *their * point of view, there was nothing to rush for. I do not think you should delete these people and take out your insecurities on them.
Chin up. Life can be tough at times, but you can always be tougher than life if you decide it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 June 2022):
 EDIT:
Sorry....
You are in your 30's, you can RELY on others to make decisions for YOUR life.
Should have been...
You are in your 30's, you can't RELY on others to make decisions for YOUR life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 June 2022):
"Should I just delete her of my phone and socials? "
Yes.
If she was as keen as you are, she would have made time to go out with you.
You had a crush on this woman for years. You hoped that you would have a chance with her, but you got turned down. It happens. Block her, remove her from your social media and yourself from hers and let go of the crush. You can't be everyone's cup of tea.
" Also I still never heard back from my friends I asked for help,should I just delete them to? "
No, your friends are not obligated to ALWAYS answer your queries. If they generally are good friends then why delete them too?
Maybe they didn't have any advice to give? That actually happens.
You are in your 30's, you can RELY on others to make decisions for YOUR life. Grow up and make your own choices and mistakes!! That doesn't mean you can't ask for advice, however, this woman would still have turned you down regardless of what your friends suggested. It's not on them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2022): Yes, delete her off any social media accounts you have, and delete her as a contact from your phone. She is clearly not interested in you, so to keep hoping she’ll return your feelings, or pursuing her at this point is a waste of time. Not to mention, she rejected you in a cowardly way. She apparently wasn’t “too busy” for the other men who asked her out. It really isn’t that difficult to tell someone you’re only interested in being friends, and let them decide if they want to continue having contact, knowing they don’t have a chance at something more. If the age bracket on your post is correct, I’ll assume she is around the same age, and should’ve learned by now how to properly let someone down.
Don’t delete your friends who didn’t respond to you asking for advice. They probably just weren’t sure how to answer, especially if they know how long you’ve liked her. They didn’t want to be one to give you the bad news, the one to tell you look, if something was going to happen between the two of you, it would’ve by now. Generally speaking, when a woman only likes a man as a friend, she already has her mind made up that’s what he is to her, and that’s the end of it. I’m not saying there are no exceptions, but it is rare that a woman keeps a man as a friend (or acquaintance) for multiple years, then suddenly realizes what a “catch” he is and becomes attracted to him. In her case, (I’m going to be brutally honest for a moment), it seems from what you’ve written that she really wasn’t even your friend. You said you were in contact on and off. It seems like she gets in touch with you when she needs her ego stroked. She has known for awhile that you like her in that way, as you’ve asked her out before as well. She wants you to keep liking her, and giving her attention, but never intends to go out with you.
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