A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:dear readers,me and my boyfriend have been going out got four years now and well we have had sex and all. so really the thing imtrying to say here is that i always had this dream that i would wait untill marrige. or atleast be older than i was (17) i dont regret it or anything but i cant help sometimes wonderinf if it would have been more special and intimate if i had waited. im not christian at all so it wasnt about my beliefs, that i wanted to wait untill marrige.now my BF was lets say highly sexed. he had done alot in the past with another girl but never had sex. so we were eachothers firsts which means alot but im not sure there was just something about the idea of waiting...im really not sure if i would take it back, because it was a perfect night together and i was ready. i think it was almost i just wanted to be able to say that i had waited.he really didnt want to wait at all, but respected my decision untill the "act" kind of happened. we both consented so no problem there though.im just not sure why i let my idea wash away so easily?did i make an alright decsion in doing this with him?do i really have something i regret?what are other peoples opnions? please, it would help alot to settle the idle thought of...maybe i should have waited?
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (3 February 2011):
 Hon, you can do “woulda, shoulda, coulda” all you want. You’ll only know in hindsight.
On the one hand, you could have kept putting him off. And waited until you were married. And then found out that you weren’t sexually compatible, and been stuck in a bad marriage.
On the other hand, you could have kept putting him off, and he might have become frustrated and left you. And then you might have lost the love of your life.
On yet another hand, what you’ve done might have been the perfect thing to do, and set you up for a fabulous life together.
And, lastly, what you’re afraid of. You gave it up to him, he got what he wanted, and he’s going to move on and get more elsewhere.
The fact of the matter is that the decision has been made. You’re committed in the relationship. Make the best of it.
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (3 February 2011):
 Waiting is a good thing, true. But it's not the tradition, the wait itself that is so important, as the reason behind it.
Still, before anything else, you should be proud of yourself for really thinking on this, rather than just rationalizing it after the fact.
You wait in order to maximize the chance that you've chosen the right person. You wait to give time for love and attachment to develop, making sex part of the consumation of a bond rather than just a hedonistic act. You do it to protect yourself from the dangers of promiscuity.
Waiting until you've said vows is one way to make it more likely that you've followed those things - though it does not guarantee them, and it is not the only way to accomplish them. And, maybe, that would have been a better choice for you.
But you haven't ruined anything yet, and there's no reason you have to. He's been with you four years without sex, obviously he's got some level of emotional investment in you, and you in him. You've fulfilled that particular purpose for waiting.
In any event, "should have" thoughts are a bit late at this point. Best to focus on maintaining a happy relationship, and making things continue to work with him. Enjoy it! Enjoy him. Enjoy sex. And keep in mind why you wanted to wait, rather than the mere fact of having wanted to.
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