A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would really appreciate some male advice as I am pretty confused at the moment. I met someone over the holidays - very attractive, successful and we had great fun. Although we were abroad he comes from London too. One thing led to another on New Year and we had sex. He was very keen to meet again and rang when he got back to England. We met on this week and one thing led to another and unfortunately the contraception did not work. I said the next morning that I'd take the morning after pill and put a brave face on it. I didn't tell him then that I'd taken it before and had a bad reaction. I just blocked it all out. The next day we went for brunch and did not discuss it anymore. Later on when it came to buying it I was filled with dread. I really didn't want to go into the chemist and ask for it, I felt really ashamed and like some tart. I also didn't want to feel really sick again and for all my hormones to go over the place. I sat for ages researching the likelihood of me being pregnant on the net and wondering what to do. In the end I thought why am I going through all this alone and making the decision myself so I rang him. I worried about doing so and seeming too keen or needy but thought it's a serious thing and he'd rung me 3 times on the Monday when I'd said I was out with work without being worried about being too keen so I thought why am I worrying about ringing him now?!Anyway I rang him and asked if he could talk as it was personal. he said that he was at work and I said should I phone back as it was personal and no-one should hear. he said he was in his own office. So I just explained that I was worying about whether to take it as it made me really sick etc and the net said the chances of pregnancy were really low. He said he was lost for words and did not really know what to say and that he was sorry it made me sick but better safe than sorry. he repeated that he was blown away and not expecting that at work and I said please don't be mean and make me feel bad about phoning you I just wanted some advice. Now you've said better safe than sorry I'll take it. He then changed the subject and we spoke about work, amid that normal conversation he said he had to go as an important work call had come in and we'll speak later. he owns his own company and is very busy so that's feasible. That was yesterday afternoon since then nothing. No text or call to see if I have taken it or if I am sick or how I'm feeling. I feel pretty shit that he hasn't been in touch and feel like some looney tune for ringing him to ask his advice in the first place. I would really appreciate some honest male advice as to how you'd react and what I should do now. Sorry if my hormones have made me over analyse! THANKS!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): Ugh, what a sticky situation. I know how you feel in that you don't want to make yourself feel bad when you do not have to.Before we go too far, let me ask, if you are not taking the pill is your intention to have the child? Understand that is what he is hearing and probably freaking out about now. It is quite possible that he is cutting and running and that you will not hear from him.I would say that this is not something you should have dropped on him while he is in the middle of his work day, that is not very considerate. I mean as far as he knew you said no problem, I will take the morning after pill. For him the matter is closed. Now days later he gets this, while at work. Would kill my day, and frankly I would be angry, annoyed, scared, worried...and so on. Might have been nice to say I need to talk a personal matter, can we meet for dinner, but this out of the blue probably has him reeling.My point is that is probably why you have not heard from him because he is not quite sure how to react, and he may just react as if you never happened. Realize that yes, while you both seemed very interested in each other this is still in the early phases and suddenly he has this thrust on him after you told him how you were going to deal with it. Had you said at the beginning, ugh, I am nervous because in the past...then he would have been mentally prepared for something different.I would suggest giving him a call, ask him to meet for dinner and talk. You have to explain are you taking it or not. I mean he made his opinion known with better safe than sorry, so I am guessing he is not wanting to be a dad. For me I would want the consideration of a true conversation, and to be filled on, not have it dropped on me at work. So first off apologize to the guy for 1. saying you would handle it and 2. when you did not picking the worst time to tell him that you were having problems. You DO NOT have to apologize for having a problem with how to handle it though, and if he is a jerk about your feelings in that regard get up, walk out and never talk to him again. You have every right to have confusion/concern over how to handle this.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009): There is nothing wrong with calling him to discuss the subject, in fact it shows consideration for his thoughts on the matter. He was obviously taken aback though and that's to be expected, as a guy the p-word is always an touchy subject cos it's not our bodies so we are at the mercy of the woman's choice. He wasn't being mean and trying to make you feel bad and it might have been better if you didn't say those things to him, sounds a bit dramatic and if I'm honest needy.
You might wanna look into different forms of contraception that will protect you from std's too though, better physical forms like the female condom.
About him not calling,best to let it go, as I said this is a topic most men don't want to think about, he will think it's strange that you're still dwelling on something that should be sorted by now. Especially so early in the relationship. You're an over analyser like me, I find it's better to sort all this kind of stuff out in my head and not burden the significant other until It is clear in my own mind. You might have been better off talking it through with a friend instead of him thats what I do, better not to burden them with my neurotic thoughts.
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