A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy 3 yeas ago and we had a pretty heavy relationship, I have children from previous and so does he. I moved abroad with him and my child but then serious flaws started appearing. We would often argue which I hated as my child was only in the next room. He has verbally abused me in front of my child an strangers and accused me of having a 3 some with a member of his family! (Not true at all). He brought it up out of the blue and because my nature is to remain calm and ignore the taunts he gets more and more in my face. He later admitted that the 3 some accusation was a lie, to a reaction. I for a moment thought I did as he repeated it so many times!Many times he tried to instigate an argument, it made him crazy that i ignore him when he starts acting like an idiot and I had nobody to help me at the time due to being away from family.One night he slapped me across the face and tryed to strangle me, I cannot forget it no matter how hard I try. He put it down to alcohol.... We split up I had to call the olice to get him removed from the apartment I was paying for.To cut a long story short, when I go back to my country where he lives we meet up, he treats me like a queen, would do anything for me. He credits my account to buy stuff puts credit on my phone everyday (he was broke when we were together, I paid for holidays everything). I told him i was seeing someone in my new country he was not happy but I told him I have moved on.This weekend I phoned him and said I am doing a male friends hair for a nite out and i would call back when i have finished. he never answered my call and text.Is this manipulative behaviour? Does he think that if he showers me wih gifts money and phone calls I will get back with him. He said he loves me, is IN love with me, there has been nobody since me etc, blah blah, he would marry me in an instant and all that jazz. I just think he is is insecure as hes the wrong side of 40 and not alot going for him whereas I am still living my dream with my child (older child studying for exams) and all he can do is sit and wonder what im up to.I like him, but not in love with him, I dont think he deserves another chance as I cant forgive him because of the distress he caused to me and my child. he is also afraid to return to the country I live in now as i have made many friends and he cant get away with it now!Should I see his latest moodiness over my genuine male friend as an opportunity to never get in touch again. Please help,I worry i will never find a man that adores me as much as he does.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): Thank you very much Geowjah, You're not patronising at all, thank you for taking the time to reply. In regards to my children I hear what you are saying and I will always put my children first! Thanks again, I will let you know if he calls to "creep" as I wont be making the first move at all!
Also Anon, thank you for your response also, yes it did hurt us both, the yelling and accusing and it was my son that one day said, "Mommy can he go to live somewhere else please" That hit home hard and I was determined to make my new home a happy one without him. My child likes him, (now) after a year of not seeing him (being spoiled by him when we are in UK may have something to do with it) hes fine and well adjusted, It just scares me that if he looses his rag again, I will put my child through the same situation.
I seen a good quote on this site which says
"If you hurt me once, shame on you, but if you hurt me twice shame on me". I hold that thought...
Thanks again for your responses x
A
female
reader, Geowjah. +, writes (8 June 2009):
 as i am younger i feel a bit patronising helping you, but i'll say my piece anyway :)you sound like a very strong woman, dont let this pig get back into your life, think of your child, my mum did it to me, and i finally made her realise this wasnt a good example, let alone a nice place for me to be.as for hitting you, i do not beleive that a man who can hit a woman is anything but a coward, and he doesnt sound manipulative, he sounds insecure, because you are getting on with your life, and he cant get on with his. sit and have a chat with him if you really want to be with him, but i feel he isnt compatable with you as your so laid back. let me know how it goes xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): Ok..ok, first of all if a man yells at you and in front of your child that has a HUGE effect on the child and it hurts both of you.Also,If a he acused you of doing a 3 some and you know its not true and so does he.. thats showing you can't sometimes trust him.But if he heard that as a rumour try to convince him that you know you didnt do that and tell him how much you love him(if you do) Ok now this may happen..idk.-If you were tired of fighting and ect.And want to get rid of him the biggest problem might be your child loves him ALOT and doesnt want to lose him.Im speaking as a 14 year old boy that experienced this when I was 10.I hope you find your way.
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