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Should I end the relationship based on this one factor?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 June 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 16 June 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I am wondering if I should leave my boyfriend.

We have been together for nearly four months and everything is going great, except for in the bedroom.

He has barely touched me the whole time we have been together and we have only been intimate twice.

I have discussed this with him and he reassures me that there is no-one else and that he does find me sexually attractive. All he will say is that he has been single for two years before meeting me and that it is his "issue" that he needs to work on and that is has nothing to do with me.

What does that mean?? He won't be more specific with me than that! He seems to really like me and we spend loads of time together but I feel neglected and am beginning to feel offended! I don't know what else to do as each time I bring it up he will talk to me about it and reassures me that it will happen then - nothing.

Should I end the relationship based on this one factor?

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (16 June 2011):

angelDlite agony auntlow sex drive, lack of confidence, likes you as a person but does not fancy you, uses porn to an extent that he finds real sex less appealing or too much like hard work, his age, his health, his true sexuality, are you initiating it enough or maybe too much so he feels a bit threatened even, negative experiences with an ex. could be any reason, but only he knows the answer.

if he admits he has a problem, ask him to tell you WHAT it is and ask him how he is planning to address it,be supportive to him and wait a little longer for improvement

x

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (16 June 2011):

person12345 agony auntFour months isn't long, but in his saying it's an issue, it's obviously not a romantic gesture. Whatever the problem, it sounds like he's really embarrassed by it and doesn't want to discuss it, but you need to get him to talk about it. Some tactics to make him feel less on the spot and more likely to open up:

When he's sitting on his couch, you go sit on the floor next to him. Then he doesn't have to make eye contact while he discusses it and you seem less threatening being on the floor.

Be extremely non-confrontational. Don't push for a response. Ease into asking him by talking about other things first, then ask him about it. Make sure he knows you'll be totally understanding, whatever the issue is, and follow through with that. If he won't talk about it at first, just say, "OK" and sit quietly, not allowing him to change the subject. It's passive aggressive, but works better than pressing him. If you start to press him for it, he'll feel attacked and likely shut down.

Because of his comments about being single for two years and the issue having nothing to do with you as well as his secrecy is that either he has some skeletons in his closet with regards to a past relationship or he's accustomed himself to too much masturbation/porn watching and is struggling to be with a real woman again.

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A female reader, janice201149 United States +, writes (16 June 2011):

janice201149 agony auntErectile Dysfunction is hard for a men to discuss it with her partners because they feel offended. I suggest to make an effort to help him without his knowing. Read more male enhancement reviews to discover tips,exercises and devices you can use to make him top of the game. Do it right away...

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