A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My last question didn't have enough detail so here's my dilemma. I'm 15, 16 in october. You're probably thinking, "What? You don't know love! So young!", but please hear me out!When I was in 7th grade, I fell for my female friend; She was charming, funny, and we had a lot in common. It took me a year to confess to her, and I was certainly in love until that point. I'm now in 9th grade, and we're still going out. Up until this year, I really thought that she was the one.At the beginning of this year, I met a guy unlike any other I've ever met.. He's sweet, charming, funny, and has an overall kind nature. I'm not concerned about his outward appearance at all. Whenever I remember him I smile, and I find myself often thinking about him.Anyway, that was just some background information. Now my problem... My mind is in peril. I want to go out with this guy, but something in me tells me that I'll be making a mistake.. and that the girl is the real one for me.But.. the thing is, I don't feel that way any more. The feeling has faded, her personality has changed. So you're probably thinking, "Then just dump her, or let her down gently!" The problem is... she's really, really attached to me; SERIOUSLY attached. She cries at the thought of breaking up with me and it kills me inside. She has other friends, but she only hangs out with me.. If I dumped her, I would feel a stabbing guilt as if I left her behind..I wish I could still love her, but my feelings have shifted. I really do feel something towards this guy, and I want to at least try a relationship with him.Please help me/give me advice, agony aunts! Should I dump her, try and get over my feelings towards him, or stay in my relationship? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): Thanks for the advice, anon.
And yes, I was definitely considering her emotional mindset after a potential breakup.. And I know I definitely will not jump into another relationship.
Thanks for all of the advice. 3
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): So it sounds like you don't really want to be in a relationship with your girlfriend, but you are staying in it out of habit. It also sounds like your girlfriend has become extremely dependent on you which can put a strain on just about any relationship. As this is probably your only major long-term relationship you probably haven't gone through a heavy breakup before.
Your girlfriend is going to be hurt when you break up with her, no matter what. Based on what you've said about her, It is also clear that you will break up with her at some point. In fact, it will be painful for both of you. Hopefully your girlfriend will take the breakup as a cue to figure out who she is, and find some more friends.
However, I also wouldn't recommend just jumping into a relationship with this boy. It would be unnecessarily hurtful to your ex (breakups can be done civilly), and it also wouldn't let you figure out who you are now.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, cutie1195 +, writes (27 March 2009):
Just tell her that you found a boy and that way you can go out with both of them, you can go where you like, boys and girls at the same time.
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