A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My problem is this: I am married to a kind, caring man. He is respectful and wants to take care of me and our child (materialistically that is). The main problem is that he shows no affection, does not say he loves me unless I say it first, doesn't initiate sex, never tells me i look nice, barely looks me in the eye as a matter of fact.If i try to do something romantic or if i start flirting with him he makes weird remarks(eg: I would wink at him as i pass him in the house and say "you look really sexy" then he would say really you look like you have something in your eye it sounds funny but when in the moment it's not) as if he is uncomfortable so I stopped trying. I have been struggling with this for a while, trying to figure out what could be wrong. I spoke to him about it on several occasion but he thinks everything is just fine and I complain too much.He claims he does do the things i would like him to do. I feel like a fool when he says that, sometimes i think i am crazy and making all this stuff up. I am pretty sure I am not crazy though...I don't feel as if he loves me but he is just afraid to admit it. Now i spoke to a friend about this and my friend suggested I get a divorce because he won't change and i will live miserably ever after. I didnt' think about a divorce untill my friend brought it up and now it's haunting my mind. I want to give him a chance cuz he doesnt abuse me or put me down, just lacks the ability to show affection. i suggested counceling and then he said : "why would i pay someone to fix my problems and they can't even fix their own problems?" So that was clear. I wonder if I am overreacting on this....we have been together for 7 years now and married for 3 and it seemed to be better when we were dating, around the time we got married it started to decline. No I am strating to feel as if he did not want to marry me. Do I ride it out (for better or for worse) or do I leave so he can be truly happy with someone he is capable of loving? Help...
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): I wouldn't divorce him as of yet, but I would try talking to him again as well as setting up a marriage therapy session. Look, some ppl just aren't good at expressing emotions or love...maybe him caring for the family is his way of doing it...I don't know, but if he was expressive before you guys married and now he isn't, there could be a problem and it's best to get down to the nitty griddy of what is going on. Just remember, you can't force or make your husband feel something that isn't there. All the therapy in the world won't help.
A
female
reader, ***anonymus***  +, writes (12 July 2010):
i am not so experienced... but i would say... try to talk to him rather than flirting with him... he might have some problems.. normally guys don't share their things and problems easily.. so talk to him.. be with him and try.. lets see. don ever jump into conclusions.. and be judgmental.. you never know what life gives you in future...
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