A
female
age
41-50,
*reciouskatphat
writes:Dear Cupid,About a year ago I left my man due to the fact he stopped listening to me, started screaming and yelling @ me instead of talking to me and he was being just down right sneaky!! During the time we were broken up we still communicated because we have four children together. Eventually, we ended up seeing each other again. Well, I didn't know he had a girlfriend but he was always acting funny like, he would call and make up reasons why I can't come over to his apartment and see him, after the fact that we would have already planned to spend time together. Until...The excuse that gave him away one day, "my moms and pops are flying in tonight! and I wanted to spend a little time with them. So we are gonna have to cancel tonight." I knew right then he was lieing because his mom and dad know me and love me to death. So why can't I go with him to see them? I said, "okay whatever! I don't know why I can't see them too but, whatever!" Well, later that night I went to his house and knocked on the door. I heard footsteps coming towards the door and someone lean against the door to look out the peekhole but no answer. Then I looked around the corner @ his livingroom window and saw him look out. So, I knew right then he had another woman up in there. Come to find out he was seeing her during our last few months together. I told him, "I can't do this. You're cheating in me and her!" He said, "I only want to be with you and nobody else." To make this long story short I told him, "if you want to make this work then I want to get married, we need to get a home again, and nomore of this sleeping around with other women." Well, I was stupid for taking him back I think even though he was giving me all the attention in the world and it all seemed perfect. We got our house together but he did not marry me. And all that attention phone calls, txt messages have stopped. On top of it all he's starting to act shadey again and now he's saying he's afraid to get married but he is going to marry me!!! Just right now isn't a good time to get married when we haven't even planned a huge wedding yet and he wants it to be perfect. Oh yeah and all the screaming and yelling is slowly starting bacc up again!! I feel like a fool for taking him back because he didn't marry me and I am tired of living in sin. Should I believe he really wants to make this work or should I believe that "history" is going to repeat itself? HELP!!!
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (19 July 2009):
 Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
There are two people involved here. He is not the one askin for advice so I ask you this.
What have you learned from history?
Nothing has changed has it? He cheated, you forgave him so what do think that does? People learn not from mistakes but from the consequences. I have NOT learned how to use a hammer properly from hitting my thumb but from the pain that it caused. Remove the pain from hitting your thumb and then what is problem?
The pain of his cheating was that you left him, but that went away with an apologie, so the consequence was pretty mild. People forget easily. Proof? Hangover. Everyone swears never to drink again and we all do.
More or less, people don't change unless their lives are really badly affected. In relationships this often means that people only change for the next relationship as they face the consequence that their old one was damaged beyond patching up.
Maybe this one is different, but you should be the one to be able to spot the change. Tell me, how was this apologie different from the courting he did at the start of the relationship? If no difference then all that happened is that you are repeating the same story over again with a couple more years on the clock.
A
male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (19 July 2009):
 I'm afraid you're right about the history repeating itself.
There's no need to feel like a fool, even though that's a hard one to overcome. You were merely following your heart and giving things another try.
You deserve someone who wants to be with you, and no one else! Someone who will talk to you like a human being, and listen to you as well. A relationship is built upon trust, respect and communication. It sounds as though he is not giving you any of that.
Another problem is, often times things actually get worse than they were the first time around.
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