A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have broken up with my boyfriend of 1.5 years as he felt unable to say that he loved me or and didn't know when he would be able to as he wasnt 'feeling it' and he knew thats what I needed from the relationship after all this time. This was hard to hear as he freely admitted everything was great in our relationship, told me I was perfect and we got on so well, had loads of chemistry and enjoyed all our time together.He said he was frustrated with himself for not feeling more and partly put this down to a past hurt. He had a habit of getting close then pulling away again. We are both early forties, both divorced ( I have kids).Since the split 2 weeks ago we have kept in touch and he has said how he has so much more respect for me seeing how i handled things and wasnt angry at him.He has told me that he misses me alot and he took me out for my birthday and it was just like old times. In the car on the way home he said he'd been having second thoughts about us splitting as he realised his feelins were alot more for me than he'd thought. Things did get a bit steamy when we got home but I called a halt saying I'd wanted more from the relationship and no way would I be a friend with benefits- as I had previously told him ovr the phone - but I couldnt resist a few kisses and cuddles. He said he totally understood and I was quite right and totally respected me for saying so. Since then he has been calling me a lot and with each call he is indicating more and more that he wants me back , and feels alot for me but doesnt want to leap in straightaway as he doesnt want us splitting again in a few months time as he wants to be sure of his feelings as the last thing he wants is to hurt me.We are going out later this week to something we already had in the diary and he says he cant wait to see me.I get the feeling that he is going to tell me that he does love me- which is what Ive been wanting to hear , but how can I be sure he really means it , not just saying it to get back with me. and what if he doesnt say it but just says he has alot more feelings for me than he first thought- what should I do then. We were so happy together.Any clues on how I should play this one. I love him alot but am afraid of being strung along- altho I suppose if that was the case he'd have told me all along that he loved me just to keep me happy.Can a man change or realise he has these feeling after such a short time apart?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): Thanks so much for the replies so far. 5 years- wow such patience.It reassuring to know that it can take that long! My guy has said this 'break' is good as it is making him see me afresh and is pretty much talking as if were already back together. i want to be sure but at least we have talked so much more about our relationship- or rather he is actualy talking about it and showing an interest in making it better. I so hope he does love me and can tell me soon. Its hard to know whether the fact that his last girlfriend hurt him so badly was as an excuse or a very real fear with him .
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): This is a tough cookie!I'm in a six year relationship right now, we are perfect together, we fit, and we are good together the whole nine. Yet, it took him five years to let me know how exactly how he felt "love"All those five longggggg years without an indication if he does or does not or if he feels the same or not, it was driving me crazy. Finally, we talked about it, i found out why he couldn't say it, and he let me know INDIRECTLY without actually saying the "L" word how he felt.This is just an example, that there has got to be something that is scarying him away with that feeling, why he can't say and admit. Something or someone that hurt him in the past has him in wraps of fear. That is good that you did break up with him because of it. Perhaps, he does need a reality check of what he is missing out on, YOU.Men, to me are blind folded. They won't see what they want when they are with that person, until that person let's him go because they are scared.So in this case, I think he is really really pouring all his heart out to you now that he does not have you any longer. Giving it all away because he misses you. He is starting to realize how much he is missing out on a great gal. I think he'll do everything that he can to keep you near him, because he starting to see how much he needs you. (in a good way with that being said)
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