A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I'm going to go on a little rant as I need to vent my worries. They vary in relative importance and some may think I shouldn't be including such varied situations alongside each other. Some things i probably shouldn't be sharing but i need advice. Any advice for any of the things i write on any of the sections would be greatly appreciated so thank you in advance!1) I'll start with the most important. My gf told me a few months ago when we started going out that she had been raped on holiday earlier that year. I was so distraught and angry and don't know what to do. She brings it up every now and again and acts like she isn't that bothered but I don't believe her. she already sees a therapist but what should i be doing? i don't want to ignore it but don't want to keep bringing it up either...2)She told me today that she has done a free clamydia test as she feels she should be tested after what happened. I didn't realise that she had not already had these tests (in fact it hadn't really crossed my mind before) so it is obviously good she is doing it. However aren't there lots of things she should be tested for? i think she thinks that if shes clear of this she'll be clear of everything...and on a selfish note...should i be worried too? we have had intercourse a couple of times but i have worn protection?...3)excuse my decline in importance here - i don't want people to think i am belittling the previous situation with this seemingly trivial problem.- A year ago i had a cyst removed from my foreskin - at the time i didn't think of the conscenquences and just wanted it to be removed - It was removed from the underside below the triangle bit of skin below the head. I have now lost nearly all sensation in the underside of my 'area'. I am quite upset by this loss and am finding myself getting quite frustarted by it -Does anyone know if i could have lost any really important nerves in that specific area- especially because when my gf and i tried to get intimate i find it hard to perform and when i can it doesn't stay for long and isn't as good as it used to be. i know that 'mental nerves' make it tough too though as i am new to all this -but is it possible i could have damaged my ability to have an erection with this surgery?4)and finally because i felt the need to tell my gf this problem i blurted it all tonight and i think i freaked her out by telling her problems about my genitals and difficulties in erections, scars and cysts etc... none of it very appealing. I'm not comfortable talking about this stuff anyway so found it tough to tell her... then i felt really stupid, felt like less of a man, felt like i was whining, and felt that i may have over exagerated the situation as a worst case scenario for her. I made it really uncomfortable for myself and wish i hadn't now. I always dwell on situations and spent as much time telling her i wished i hadn't told her than telling her itself! In short i'm a bit of a fool! Should I be telling her these things or should I be keeping them to myself?...Anyway, no doubt i've missed something important i wanted to say or not put across my concerns properly. I apologise for my ramblings and hope someone can give their valuable time to my little life,Many thanks for your time and help,I really do appreciate it!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (24 February 2009):
 1) You cannot control how she acts. If she doesn't get all emotional or fired up when mentioning the rape, then maybe therapy has helped her sort through those tough emotions. Don't ask her to dig them all back up. It is good that she is in counseling, she is trying to heal in her own way.
2)Yes, ideally she should have been tested for many STD's when and if her rape was reported. I don't know if she reported it, or is just living with it and seeking help on her own terms and time. Should she have told you she wasn't tested? Yes. But, you should get into the habit of having yourself and your partner tested every time you are with someone new. Its a pain, but worth it. She may just be testing herself for STD's that don't show symptoms right away.
3) I am not a man, but as a woman I do know that there are a lot of nerves in the head of the penis. For some cases of nerve damage, the nerves can regenerate, but this may take weeks to a couple of years. Ask your doctor, they should better be able to clarify what you can expect as far as recovery to the tissue at the incision site. She if they can refer you to a neurologist who would better be able to answer your questions. Nerves are a tricky matter.
4) Don't be afraid to talk things through with your GF, parents, or close friends. Anyone you feel comfortable talking with. Otherwise, holding up your thoughts and fears can lead to those kids of outbursts where you never say things the way you mean them. She won't judge you as long as you are understanding of her as well. And if she does judge you, then that says a lot about her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): 1, There's nothing you should be doing but supporting her when she needs to talk about it, don't ever bring it up, seriously don't! It's her thing only she's allowed to bring it up.
2, Chlamydia is the only common STD that can present no visible symptons in a women, all the others herpes, HPV etc. all present very obvious physical symptoms, so it makes sense to only get tested for that.
3, It's doubtful you have effected your ability to have an erection physically, it's more likely a psychological thing, but go see your GP anyway, you'd never know.
4, Depends on how serious your relationship is and how long you have been together, it's always a good idea to let these kind of things out slowly. One piece of advice though never apologise unless you've done something wrong, you didn't do anything wrong by telling her that about your knob, you opened up to her. Might have been a bit too soon but she's not going to hold that against you, you defiitely shouldn't have made such a big thing out of it though, best to laugh about it now and forget about it.
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A
female
reader, kirky79 +, writes (24 February 2009):
1, Just to let her know that no matter what, you are there for her and she doesn't need to put a brave face on in front of you, coz you love her and when she's down you will love her even more and be strong enough for the both of you to get her though it.
2, I understand where you are coming from and no it's not selfish to look after your health but be honest and talk to her and suggest going to your local STI clinic together, so she don't feel awkward.
3, It could be a case of you're thinking about it to much but i would suggest going to your local doctor for advice,or look into adult toys as part of foreplay.
4, Once it as sunk in I'm sure if she's as special as you think she is,then she'll be pleased you felt you could be so honest and open with her! And you are not a fool,and have nothing to feel silly about. Just give it time to sink in and you'll both be fine. :-)
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (23 February 2009):
 Ok I'm only going to answer the sexual health question here and I'm sure many of the others will answer the rest of your questions.
She really should get checked out for more than just chlamydia, in fact she should have a full sexual health MOT and pregnancy test.
If you have had unprotected sex so should you. For now use condoms and you should be fine.
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