A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:how would you describe a woman, married for 10 years,hasn't wanted sex for the past 2, only likes to watch t.v, only participates if coerced but never initiates plans, is cheerful when people are around but when we are alone, barely wants conversation. I ask because I'm considering divorce for these reasons. I don't believe she is depressed as she carries on with her job and day to day things but has little reaction to anything. when I approached her about divorce, she just kinda went along with it and is going with the flow. Here I am waiting for tears or ask to work things out but now I am thinking maybe she is just as unhappy but would have never done anything about it and waited for me to initiate. I go out all night without her and she doesn't even ask. We havent had sex in 2 years and it doesn't evn cross her mind i may be getting it elsewhere, she never asks, ever. I'm at a loss.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): I am the wife in your situation. I too sit at home every night watching tv and looking after the children while my husband is out socialising. I dislike him enormously for being out all the time and leaving me at home although with children I cannot go out drinking every night which is what he likes doing. I feel your wife may be the same as me. I am comfortable in the relationship, there are no money pressures and things just tick over. We haven't had sex for years either and I would never consider initaiting it because I no longer feel that my husband is interested in me or attentive in any way. I would like him to buy me flowers, offer weekends away or just be generally pleasant towards me but he is none of these things. All his life is outside of the home. I know my husbands wants out of our relationship but I say nothing as I am comfortable in how things are. I too never ask what he is up to although he is obviously up to no good as there is lipstick on the shirt collars and he gets back pissed at 3am most days. We have been married for 16 years.
I know what would work for me so if you want the marriage to work I suggest you maybe do the following:-
Tell her that you WILL LEAVE her unless she stops watching tv and gets herself together. Tell her you are going to have sex with someone else because no man can go for so long without it so she had better think about it. I also would want some attention, love and affection so I suggest buying her flowers, telling her how lovely she is and taking her on a mini break of her choice. Give her something to do like look at city break brochures etc so she has something to look forward to and can plan for. Tell her you will give her some money for clothes for the trip etc which is nice even if the woman can afford anything she wants by herself. Give her this money in cash.
Give her money to get her hair done, nails etc, luxury underwear. She may be like me and just hopes for more attention but is so annoyed by the man she can't bring herself to talk about it. Divorce is a last option after so long. I think a good shake up which she won't like but needs to hear may be the answer. Good luck. x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): I disagree with the other posts. She doesn't sound like a wife/partner at all. It isn't an element of your relationship that is lacking as from what you've said the two of you don't really even have a relationship. If you hardly talk, don't share any intimacy and she doesn't really care about whether you divorce then you're just two people living in the same house.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (31 August 2008):
 Hi there, You have received good advice from the other Aunts. I would like to ask you, if you still love your wife? If you do and you want to try to save the marriage, then I would suggest to her that you both go together to
see a therapist. It takes two you cannot make it work on your own. I am not sure that she is not depressed, it could also be her hormones, which are out of kilter. An examination could determine that. If she is mildly depressed, she could still be able to work, and function to a degree. Omega-3 capsules, do help with mood swings and depression, a doctor had a health program on television, where he related that his patients who had been depressed, were taking Omega-3 and they were improving nicely. You might want to research for yourself. I think she needs help, and if you still care, I would try to get her to a doctor, and see what they say about it, or more than that what they can do about it. Before divorcing her, see if there is some help, that could change things for her. There very well could be a health problem. Stay in touch, good luck always.
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A
female
reader, oneeyeopenoneeyeclosed +, writes (31 August 2008):
I think that you should suggest getting counseling and find out why she is so apathetic towards you. She can put up a front, but she probably is depressed. Take it from someone who has been there. The most depressed of us all can smile and be engaging, and then retreat into misery when we're along. You took her "in sickness and in health". By no means am I in any position to judge your situation, and if you walk away from your marriage, I can't say that I blame you. I can imagine that her disinterest and detachment is very painful. She sounds sick though. She sounds depressed. You should try to get her to seek help, and I think you should try to get to the bottom of what fell apart in your relationship before you walk away.10 years of marriage is worth fighting for. Unless you are sure that you have exhausted all avenues to save your marriage and you still think that it's dead, I don't think you're ready to get divorced.
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A
female
reader, girlscout +, writes (31 August 2008):
Sometimes people just drift apart. Maybe your wife is no longer in love with you and just staying in the relationship because it's comfortable. Maybe she finds it too difficult to leave the marriage, her comfort zone. It all depends if you really want to keep your wife. If you do, I suggest counselling. If not, I suggest you seriously talk with you wife about why she's no longer sexually attracted to you. IT will be very hard to hear what she has to say, but you will have to endure it. 10 year marriage is just a number. People drift apart. You will have to accept the fact that maybe your wife is no longer sexually attracted to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): Hi
Sounds not very good, complacent even. Lack of communication. One big thing in your favour while she sits and ignores you while watching tv, make belief. you are in the real world ( living ). If i were you rather than talk about divorce ask her to join you in living again and if she would rather watch tv then you are probably better starting to rebuild a new exciting life...you know feel the blood running through your veins again and to feel wanted, life is too short to be glued to tv you miss all the adventure of life and love.
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