A
female
age
41-50,
*aniesue
writes:I have a question which, unfortunately, has quite a long backstory--thanks in advance for reading!I have just recently returned to the UK after being in the US for a year (I am an American citizen and moved home to be with my parents). A bit of (probably uninteresting) backstory: About three months before I left the UK, my boyfriend broke up with me--I could explain the reasons, although I'm not entirely sure to be honest. He was really mad about me and was quite serious about our relationship, until about three weeks before he dumped me, when he would disappear for days at a time and not respond to any calls or texts. I generally left him to it and figured that whatever he had to work out, needed to be worked out. We were both going through very difficult times, and as he is seven years older than me, I didn't want to hassle him or be the silly little girl. Anyway, he ended up dumping me over the phone, which really devastated me--we had been together for only four months, but it was an intense four months and he had wanted us to get a dog together, go visit his family home in Wales, etc.So, I went back to the US due to visa issues. We met up before I left to exchange stuff, and it was all amicable and friendly--neither of us mentioned the breakup or the relationship, in fact we never actually discussed it. Neither of us contacted the other while I was away, and although he sits next to my best friend at work, I was quite insistant that I didn't want to know anything about what he was up to because I found it upsetting. Anyway, about a month ago I moved back to the UK. My best friend told me that he had passed on this information to the ex, and the ex had said that he wanted to see me, if I was ok with him. The best friend relayed this info, and I said that was fine, and to pass on my email (ex doesn't have a phone, or so he says). So about two weeks later, ex tells best friend that he has lost my email. Best friend gives it to him, and he emails me saying it would be good to see me, and was I here on a visit or for good. I emailed back, saying I have moved back and I hope is doing well, and we could meet up for tea if he wanted. And then? I'm sure you all guessed it--I haven't heard from him since.Now, I can't say I'm overly surprised, since communication isn't this guy's forte. But I am upset, because I still care very much for this caveman, and as a typical girl, I had a little flicker of hope. If somebody could shed some light on what he might want, and why he disappeared, I'd be eternally grateful. Thanks for reading through this essay!
View related questions:
at work, best friend, broke up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Yes i no were you are coming from the temptation will always be there for you to email him so if you want to move on and have a fresh start then block his email for your own sake.
A
female
reader, janiesue +, writes (1 November 2010):
janiesue is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for answering my concerns...I've realized there isn't much I can do about the situation and I'm just going to leave it well alone. I do have one thing I'd like your opinions on--for my own mental state, should I block his email so I'll not be tempted to email back if he does get back in contact? I don't trust myself and I don't want this person to make me feel any sillier!
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (27 October 2010):
Well its good that he is recovering and has gotten the help that he needs but it still doesnt excuse his behaviour. Never the less maybe he just has a lot on his mind but let him come to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, janiesue +, writes (27 October 2010):
janiesue is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, guys! I guess I expected that at 35, a man would be capable of replying to an email. Silly me! I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but he's a recovering alcoholic.
...............................
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (26 October 2010):
 I'm sorry ... he sounds pretty useless really. He is obviously only going to contact you when and if he wants to, and he has shown himself capable of one day wanting to buy a dog with you (pseudo baby, of course) and the next day calling you up and dumping you by phone ... no, no, no. You have to find another cavemen - there are plenty of them ; )
Seriously, I have a suggestion: find a Polish guy. They are quite caveman-ish, but also cool and European and full of life and energy and slightly off-beat opinions. I like them a huge amount. Really. You need to distract yourself with someone. The guy you talk about is a dead loss - and I base that mostly on his dumping you by phone after having been talking about buying puppy dogs - that really is unforgiveable, and shows he is one minute sentimental, and the next totally heartless - it could actually indicate a bit of a sociopath, so I really wouldn't let yourself get any more notions about him.
Find a nice Polish guy. Young. Sexy. Answers the phone.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (26 October 2010):
It sounds like he is just confused and doesnt no what he wants he went to all of the bother to get your email so i find it very strange that he just went back to ignoring you. Dont just wait around for him you deserve better than that i understand that you still care for him but let him run to you. Let him do the running as this will show that he is interested. If not then just move on with your life and try and forget him.
...............................
|
