A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well im not sure how to put this but here goes, there is this girl at my 6th form and i have gotten to know and love her over the past 8 months she knows how i feel and feels the same way but she just cant get her head round being in a relationship.We both love each other spend as much time together as possible talk all day and all night she is instant messigeing while im typeing this. The prolem is i feel like im being used and strung along every day i fall deeper in love with her, im sure im in love with her because this is the most powerful feeling ive ever experianced and its indiscribale. We act like a couple we go out and spend lots of time together. She likes the way our relationship is i think but its driveing me crazy i want to have a relationship with her not to be toyed with. She has never had a boyfriend before so i have to understand that this is a huge decision for her but she keeps changing her mind she decides she wants to try then in a few hours even changes her mind. I cant go on like this but i cant stop loveing her no matter how hard i try. I have always had problems with depression and trust issuses when it comes to females as ive had a very bad realtionship with my mother who i no longer see. I feel so confused and i dont know what to do this girl is the reason i get up in the morning she means everything to me. All i want is for her to be happy so ive waited for her but i dont want to fall any deeper in love with her if she is just going to decide that she cant have a boyfriend she likes me she has even told me she loves me.What can i do please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your help I'm not a mean guy I'm actully to sensative a lot of the time. Today as I was walking her home she took me inside her house and said she was ready to be my gf I was so happy and we spent the whole afternoon together. I was on top of the world now things from my past are creeping back into my head, the only other realtionship I've ever had was when I was in year 7 (12 years old) this was with a girl 3 years older than me I was in a terrible state of depression at the time and she was supposed to suporrt me instead she manipulated and sexualy abused me for over a year all the while makeing me think I love her. I know that my new gf would never do that and that now at 17 i can make it stop if it happend but im still scared.
How can i get over this
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (17 January 2011):
 Don't forget to write back and tell us how it goes.
(crosses fingers for good luck)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your awser im going to go and ask her today.
And your right I have had a struglle in my life. I talked to her about this all last night on the phone and now she wants to talk to me @ 6th form today what do you think she will say?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your awser im going to go and ask her today.
And your right I have had a struglle in my life. I talked to her about this all last night on the phone and now she wants to talk to me @ 6th form today what do you think she will say?
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (17 January 2011):
Hope this is the post we spoke about... anyway..
My heart hurts for you, being a teenager in the confusion of love for the first time really sucks.
First, you need to tackle your negative thoughts. She's not playing with you, she's not using you and she's not stringing you along. She has no reason to act like that, she's your friend, she's not your enemy. Your mother is your mother, and do not let your relationship with her spoil your attitude to all women. You will suffer and you will become lonely and bitter.
This girl, I assume, she's as young as you, is confused and hurting too. Being friends with a guy is something safe, nothing gets promised and you don't have to make big commitments. But getting in a romantic relationship is different. Romance usually means sex (in her mind) In romance guys cheat, they start to ignore you, they treat you like dirt and they walk away. She will have seen these things, in the movies, in books, from her family members, from her girlfriends. She may also think she's not pretty enough, funny enough for you and that you will use her and leave.
Your not the only one with issues. She's not a monster who is experienced at hurting men and leading them on. She's a young woman who has never dated and is scared that she will get hurt.
You have a relationship...at the moment it sounds like you are best friends. She's already showing you a lot of trust and commitment by spending so much time with you.
You need to loose your bitterness and anger, it will scare her away. You don't sound like a fun, comfortable guy that I would want in a boyfriend, you sound kinda scary, like you hate women.
Options.
1. Stop asking her to be your girlfriend, it aint working.
2. You could try jealousy. Deprive her of your company, keep saying your busy and see if she misses you. Probably a week or two will do. When you return, tell her that you was hurting so much only being a friend to her and you needed time alone.
3. Don't ask her to be your girlfriend. Wait until the moment is romantic and give her a ring, necklace or something like that. Tell her you can't stop thinking about her and it would hurt if she went off with someone else.
4. Don't ask her to be your girlfriend. Who needs titles anyway. She spends all her time with you. Just start telling everyone she's your girlfriend anyway.
5. Don't ask her to be your girlfriend. Wait for the mood to be right and then give her a passionate kiss.
6. Make a big romantic gesture, girls like them. Get 24 balloons and write "Your wonderful" on everyone. Give them to her when she's with a crowd of people. If she doesn't like it, or doesn't think about you that way, then she will definitely tell you.
7. Make her a tape of special music, (sorry cd.. lol) just for her. Every song on it can be "YOUR" special tune, and you can sing them (or say the words) when you look at her. (My ex did this for me when we were as young as you, and it really impressed)
Words alone don't really impress girls. Big gestures and manly actions do. If you keep asking, she'll give you a different answer every time, because she's young, unsure and she doesn't know what to do.
PS: If she's spending all her time with you, she likes you better than any man out there.
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