A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok sorry if this is long but it's kinda compicated. I'l try to make it short. Ok about 6 months ago i met this woman in the pub she had been in afew times before but i'd never really spoke to her. Anyway most people know each other around here so everyone talks but she seemed to be on her own. I kept bumping into her around town. Anyway she knew who i was because shed obviously seen me before and i started talking to her as we walked home becasue we found out we live on the same estate. I was talking to her and she seemed really shy, since then we talk quite alot and sometimes meet up for a drink. I've always wondered if she has ad problems in her life cuz she always seems down, shes realy shy and just generally looks upset at times but what i really have started to notice is that as i've got to know her she seems quite happy but when it comes to anything about her life she doesn't seem to want to tell me which i respect. Anyway over these past few months i've started to develop feeling for her and about a month ago when we were out she asked about this trip i'd been on with some old friends from where i used to live and it got on to other things and she asked if i lived with my gf and i said no because i haven't got one. I also told her i'd only had 1 and that was one at college because i've only ever really wanted a gf that i'm serious about and i'm not like other men who want loads.I asked if she lived with hers and she said no and told me she'd never had a bf. I saw her out with mum about 3 weeks ago and she said " so your the one shes been on about alot recently" and i said probably and we started talking(she wasn't there) and her mum told me that she had never had a bf and only had afew close friends at school because she found it hard to fit in and that her best friend which is the only one she really keeps in touch with is going out with her brother. I thought this might explain things abit more and so when i saw her i asked her and she said it was true thats why she didn't know what to say because of what i'd think and that i might not want to see her again. She told me shes never held hands with a man let alone kissed one. I was quite shocked cuz she absoluty beautiful but i believe her becuse it reall does show how lonely she is theres times when i've seen her out and shes looked at a couple and you can she that she has tears in her eyes. Anyway i realise all this is new to her and she said that she is abit scared to have a bf cuz he will want sex and she will want someone she can share her life with. I think she likes me because we do seem really close + her mum has said "she really likes you" i understand what shes been through i haven't exactually had the best childhood but not in the same way. I really want to tel her how i feel and that theres no preasure but i really don't know how to. A part of me is saying she really likes you but might feel abit scared and i don't want that and the other part is saying just do it she likes you and she knows she can trust you. Anyway i'm going round tomorrow night to see her and i don't know how to tell her please help! Please!
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male
reader, DV1  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 Tell her that you're falling for her, and that you can't change how you're feeling. Be a friend to her first, and foremost, because friends make the best couples. Ask her to give you a chance, and be willing to take baby steps. If she says yes, let her control things for a little while. If you show that you're willing to do things in her time, she'll feel more comfortable, and open up. I don't know if you realize what kind of chance happening this is for both of you. Both of you are learning, and you'll get to learn together, which will make this relationship even more special. A lot of people on this planet, including myself, would give for that. Be good to each other, and things will be great.
DV1
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 May 2007):
 Slow and easy wins the race. Just be your wonderful self and you'll be just fine. You don't have to "tell" her anything at this point in time. Once you get in the dating habit you'll find the right moment to express you feelings for her. And I definitely agree with Sad Mum, you sound like a very nice couple. Keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, sad mum of 4 +, writes (24 May 2007):
Hi you need to take things very slow with this lady and not to deep and full on keep it light hearted ask her how she would feel if you was to ask her out. but by the sounds of things she does like you and please rember if you do get her as a gf please be a good listener as that what she seems to need at the mo good luck you both sound like a very nice couple
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