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anonymous
writes: Dear CupidWhat happens when you fall in love with your best friend? I met her just 4 months out of my marriage - i am now divorced. Im 38, she's 32 with 2 kids - shes had an awful time with painful marriage break-up and sibling bereavement. When we met i wasnt ready for a relationship, she was - she duly found someone and they entered a relationship. Meanwhile after the shock of finding this out, after telling her i loved her , i failed to walk away and we became best friends. In fact very close to the point where she told me everything first before anyone else, all her feelings etc..we met every other week for lunch and so on...but platonic.Eventually i met someone else. But we remained close friends..and i cannot no matter how i try , i still know i love her more than anyone.Now her partner has had enough of us being so close - we went our for xmas dinner together for example on our own - he has threatened to throw her out (they moved in 2gether Nov last year) if we continue? I am devastated but theres only one choice isnt there? it has to end :(Johnno
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, UselessInfo.org, writes (22 March 2005): I can understand the CLOSENESS that you can so easily experience in a friendship like that. Where two people tell each other practically everything, and they have an advanced understanding of everything about the other person. But i think this is easily mis-judged for eros love, when it's actually nothing more than platonic. I myself have been in several relationships, where the idea of going out with someone who i knew inside and out, would be an benefit, only to find that it hindered the relationship. Things become predictable, your feelings which were at one point so strong they made you feel sick to your stomach, suddenly fade, and you're left with the thought that the initial feeling all along, was the mis-understanding of a true friendship. A friendship, in my opinion, if the most special relationship you can encounter. Where you can understand as close to fully one human, you can have all the laughs, cries, arguements, and pointless discussions. The only point is in mixed sex friendships, the automatic conclusion that you are spending any time with that person is to eventually have sex with them, or something. That there is no such thing as a platonic relationship between different sexed adults. Which again is bullshit. But it also messes with peoples heads, thinking that to have a friendship so intertwined, that there needs to be something else involved, like lust, when lust isn't needed. Another point to consider is that if all was good and well, and you confessed your love, and she loved you back, and set off with this relationship, you both know how each other work. Isn't is part of the fun in a new relationship, with someone, to work out what their thinking, and what ticks them off. Also if the relationship (which as we all know is a normality) ends, then you are left, without a best friend, and a lover... what would you sooner choose...
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