A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hello friends,We broke off a month ago. She still behaved like before but I brought myself to the friendship boundary and she was often hurt by this but soon she adapted herself to this to some extent. Since then we have been having hard time accepting this friendship and it's been heart wrenching in behaving like friends. She is afraid to lose that charm and has become more insecure about losing me as a friend too. I made an excuse of being busy and have managed to ease the addiction on the cost of hurting her. She loves me a lot but this relation was not possible and we decided to remain friends. Clearly, she is not able to cope up with the pain of breakup and has become arrogant with other people these days. It was not easy for me either to resist such a loving person with whom I have been for a long time but things have cooled down a bit. Now whenever we talk on the phone, she sounds super excited and talks too much, making it obvious that she's hiding her pain and sorrow. She is not genuine and herself as she used to be. What can be the reason for this? What's going on in her mind?? or is this only in my mind?? Also how often should I call her now? Should I take a break and let her return to her normal state of mind? Will she be hurt more?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): Breaking up is extremely difficult when one wishes to end things and the other doesn't.You say she's not being genuine, not herself and you ask what can be the reason for it. My friend, you answered your own question when you said she cannot cope with the pain of breaking up.The truth is, it is very hard - next to impossible - to remain "friends" when a decision has been made to terminate a relationship. You are finding this out now. Nor is it wise to even attempt it. Why is this?Its because both of you need to be able to move on with your lives separately - especially her. She is desperately clinging to a shred of hope that it can be revived. Presumably, you tried to make a go of things and when you found it was not possible, you gave considerable thought to the situation between you before announcing your decision to end it. The more you try to remain "friends" and even think of attempting to call her (let alone meet!!) the more you will, inadvertently, encourage false hope in her mind.Now you have a choice to make: either simply quit cold turkey: do not call her again (let alone meet!!) and, if she should eventually call you to ask why you haven't contacted her, then is the time to tell her you're sorry it didn't work out, but that she needs (you both do) to move on without you in her life. Be kind, blunt and brief!She will eventually realize this is for the best, and while she'll be sad and angry, ultimately you'll be doing her a favor. As one of the other posters said, you have to be cruel sometimes to be kind.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): she has been forced to talk on general terms with u being just a friend of her now. since she is struggling to control her emotions and divert her mind off those things, this behaviour comes naturaly. let things keep going as they are n give her time to accept the truth,she will be fine.she is just seeking CLOSURE from u as of now. but if u really want to be just her friend, stick to it! dont pity her emotional state and get carried away. let her know that u are always there for her but only as a friend. if u divert from your decided path, u will be giving mixed signals to her and a hope to recoincile n making her state miserable and messed up in the future. if u really care for her, keep minimum contacts, perhaps this is only the kindest thing u can do to her as of now. lesser she will think about u, quicker she will return to her normal state. dont worry, she will be alright. hope i helped. all the best ! keep posting ur updats ..
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