A
male
age
30-35,
*umikub
writes:I play in a brass band and a wind orchestra and enjoy it immensely and so wish to carry it on to a future career. The girl in question is a friend of mine ( not close) who plays in the wind orchestra. We have both said that we like oneanother. We have texted each other for a while...gettin to know each other and the time came for me to ask her out for a drink. so i did. She said she'd love to and began a recital of romantic walks along the beach we were going to have on this date. She then dropped a bombshell..."is it ok if becky(her twin sister) comes on our little venture?" After feeling put out and receiving advice from friends, i decided that it was a 'knockback' tactic and so i went with no expectation that anything would happen. On the night we walked around, went to the pub, had a great time and then walked around for another hour after that. She put her arm around me and held my hand for this whole hour which i thought was positive. Her sister was with us the whole time and didnt have a problem with what was going on. At the end of the night, i got a taxi home after kissing her on the cheek and saying goodbye. I recieved a text message from her when i got home, thanking me for a lovely night and hoping i had got home ok. We had a good laugh and we all had fun.The following night was rehearsal night, i was needed in brass band,and she in wind orchestra. In our half-time break she acted in a way she had done before the night we went out; not affectionate and not quite right.However she was perfectly pleasant and friendly, she left a group of friends to come to the takeaway with myself and a mutual friend. In the short walk to the takeaway, i put my arm around her, she held on for a moment and then relaxed her grasp and let her hand slide away from me. we went back to rehearsals and i left before she did. The following day(today), i sent her a text saying that i had really enjoyed the night we went out and would she like to go out again this week. She replied telling me that she didnt think so as her exams were starting this week and she needed to revise - fair enough. I am now confused as to what she wants, does she want to take this any further or stay as friends? Has she had second thoughts and is backing off? or was it simply because we were in a different environment and she wants to take things slowly? I am not a desperate teen hoping beyond hope that she'll fall for me, I just want to know what is going on, to be told straight out, so i know what to do. please could i have your opinion on this matter? and any advice on where to go from here?Many thanks
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female
reader, starfairy +, writes (10 May 2008):
 She sounds as confused as you are.
Bringing her sister was probably a way out if she found she didn't like you in that way on the date...But as for the rest, it just seems like a head f*ck. You should either ask her straight out where you stand, or walk away. If she's this confusing when you're not dating, could you imagine how she would be if you were?? You would spend half the time feeling insecure and wondering where you stand...
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