A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am having trouble dealing with a friend who is recovering from an abusive relationship. And I am asking "What do I do next?" I am at wit's end and ready to give up... but I love her and don't want her to fall back into a bad situation. I believe that I am one of the few good people in her life keeping her on the straight and narrow. Here is my story.I have known this girl since childhood. I fell in love with her in high school, but we always just remained friends. We both ended up going to college in the same city. I am a few years older than her, so I graduated first, but I stayed in the city. She was one of the reasons I stayed.She lived with me for a few months, and we had a "rocky" time towards the end of her stay. She had done some inappropriate things that caused me to distrust her. I eventually felt completely helpless when the communication between us broke down and asked her to leave. Our separation was rough. And we didn't really talk for 4 years (every now and then we would check in on each other, but there was very little contact).When she stopped living with me, she worked odd jobs and then eventually started stripping. At this same time, she was using marijuana heavily and started dating this local drug dealer. I personally feel like this guy recognized that she was devastated by the rough separation from me and took advantage of her and her situation.About four years later, she reached out to me randomly and requested that we hang out. One day of hanging out turned into to a week and then she started spending the night at my house. One day, while at her apartment, she told me about his physical/mental abuse of her. I realized that's why we were spending so much time together and that's why she was spending the night at my house so much. We looked up websites to help her through her abuse, went to get restraining order papers and started looking for new apartments for her.Eventually, I was able to help her move out of her apartment. She felt more safe in her new place. She eventually stopped dancing, finished school and began working career related jobs. We went back to being the same best friends that we used to be; spending damn near everyday together.I never mentioned her ex-boyfriend, because I was afraid of being insensitive. I put a lot of effort into empowering and building her up. But she is still extremely paranoid and has random mood swings. She thinks that most things I say to her are lies. She lashes out at me when I ask about her parents, financial situation and other topics. And her mood swings have become unbearable. I still see her almost everyday.It has been 22 months since we reconnected. I don't believe that I am doing anything wrong. I do believe that I have done all that I can. I love her, but she doesn't want to be with me. So, I am ready to move on and just keep her as a friend. But I am afraid that she will get caught in another bad situation. And honestly, I suspect that she still contacts her abusive ex. I know I have to live my own life, but it would destroy me to see her fall again. She is such an amazing person.How do I help her with the paranoia? mood swings? insecurities?The combination of the stripping and abusive boyfriend really messed her up. What do I do?
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male
reader, malum424 +, writes (2 May 2009):
 You've help her as much as you can right now. The only thing you can doright now is let her know that you'll always standby her as a friend and move forward with you're life.
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