A
male
age
30-35,
*sianguy524
writes:please help me here because i dont know what to do..there is this girl i've met through a friend last 4 weeks. we are both in college leves and in different schools. im half chinese/fil and she is pure korean. at the first moment that we met each other. we already texted everyday. we started to get to know each other everyday. i even said i liked her and she was happy about it. believe me when i say that i know that she has interest in me too. last week we went out on a date and it was perfect. we watched movie and ate dinner. she even paid for our dinner even when i said that i should pay for everything since im the guy. anyway the night was happy. i even asked her to go out on a friday night. she said that she will let me know since she has things to do. the next day we talked again, txted about our school and plans. she said that she has assignments to do for the whole week. the next day we didnt texted at all. no communications. she didnt contacted me at all too. i didnt text her because i think she was really busy about her assignments. then i texted her yesterday. she seems not in a good mood. she replied less and she was moody. i dont know whats going on. please help me. and im planning to ask her this weekend to a date again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): Not all is as it seems, in occasions. It can be difficult to interpret facial and body signals, especially if one person's values, attitudes, background and socialisation have been very different from anothers.
Matbe it is a bad time. Maybe she really is overwhelmed with her studies. Stay calm. Back-off and be patient. No pestering her. Have patience. Wait this out. Nod and smile directly at her and be polite if you see her. But keep walking. If she is feeling uneasy then more pressure from you will not make it better.
When you had your date did you allow her to tell you lots about herself and did you listen very carefully and remember all she said? Or did you talk a lot more than her? Trying to Dominate the conversation, and thus attempting to dominate another person is a turn off for most people.
Did you do things that you thought would impress her, and show-off what you think are things that might impress a girl like driving fast? That can turn a girl off, as it is immature behaviour.
Was there anything else that happened on that date that could be interpreted negatively if you really tried to empathise with her reactions?
Of course it may be as simple as one of her friends saying something catty about you. And thus maybe she believed it?
She may just be trying to play hard to get, but i doubt it.
Have you had any previous difficulties with any previous girl friend. A breakup that went very badly? Such that the girls have shared boy friend experiences, she's listened and heard something negative about you, so now she is reconsidering her position? It happens. A good name is so important.
You allowed her to pay on your first date? You offered, she politely insisted on paying instead. And you meekly did not utterly insist on paying? That was a big mistake.
You should have paid, even though it sounds old fashioned, at the very least on the first date.
You were certain she was interested in you. Maybe she was/is. But have her feelings have cooled? Because some girls do not have the confidence to express their real feelings, but instead foolishly giggle and smile. And feel too embarassed to say that they are not really as interested as their smiles and giggling seem to be saying.
A
female
reader, RoseKt  +, writes (18 November 2010):
I think that you should text her, and tell her that you've noticed lately that she has been moody and that you just wanted to make sure that she was doing fine.
Text her in a way that makes her feel that you're still there, but you're not pushing her or pressuring her to go out on a date with you.
Since she mentioned that she's busy and stuff, she probably really is! Do not keep pushing her to go out with you. Believe me, girls hate guys who are pushy and who don't understand when they say they are busy.
Like i've said before, text her. Say something like, "Hey, I know you seem really busy lately and I just hope that you don't get too stressed up. Take good care of yourself and I hope to hear from you soon. :)"
Something like that. If she replies, good news. If she doesn't, just keep waiting and don't text her anymore.
From what you've mentioned about your dates, it seems like this girl does like you! Perhaps you just need to take it slow and give her some time to sort out her assignments and school stuff. Just because she contacts you less, does not mean that she likes you less. It could mean that she genuinely is busy! You, as the guy though, should take the initiative and text her first. If she's still moody or if she gives short, one word replies, just leave her alone for a while. If she really likes you, she won't leave you hanging for too long.
Good luck! :)
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