A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ive been talking to this girl over msn for about 2 years now. started off as just good friends but in the last few months it has turned into something more for the both of us. first off this girl has been through alot over the past couple of months, her mum died recently and i have to the best of my abilities tried to help her through this. because of this we have become rather close and recently she told me how much she wishes i was her bf. but the thing is we have never met in person and its not through lack of trying on my part either, after she told me how she felt i tried on numerous occasions to arange to meet up with her but she just does not seem at all interested in meeting me and always finds an excuse why she cant. i have asked whether she meant what she said and was told her feelings have not changed she meant every word but she still finds excuses why we cannot meet up i just cannot fathom in my mind why she would say something like that then not want to meet up at all so we can start to form a proper relationship like she said she wanted too. can anyone give me there thoughts on her reasons for doing this? thanks in advance
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): Ask her what she does want from her contact with you, and take it from there. I was emailing someone for a long time once and found out he only wanted to email. As it was from a dating site, I was shocked. Don't leave it any longer, especially if you had in mind to meet someone for a real live relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhello everyone thankyou for all your help and kindness this has been quite a difficult time for me so thankyou. as of now/tonight i have decided to give up on my dreams of one day being this girls boyfriend. i asked her whether she would like to meet up during this coming week and although she has nothing to do all week( which she told me days before and again earlier today )she refused to meet up on the grounds of having too many other things going on which is contrary to the earlier information she gave me. ive come to the conclusion shes just isnt that into me!! so on these grounds i am bowing out of this never ending battle with her. yes maybe its deafeatist, maybe she is testing me to see if i will try harder, maybe she doesnt realise just how crazy i am about her and how i would give anything just to meet up with her or maybe she does and enjoys toying with me. but alas she deems it necessary to keep me at bay and out of her life and it is seriously screwing with my head. yes i know this is angsty teenager talk that you have probably heard thousands of times but quite honestly this is how i feel and i suspect i will feel like this for quite some time to come. it is a real shame, i think we could have been great to gether but i dont want this to carry on if my affections are disregarded by her when they should be taken notice of and reciprocated accordingly.as said in previous posts i will not just abandon her as a friend but i am going to take on more hours at work so im not around on msn so much and im going to make a concious effort not to tell her how i feel about her anymore as even though i want to, it is in my best interests not to as i know they are falling on deaf ears and it makes me feel terrible. This is going to be incredibly difficult for me but i feel its for the best for her and myself. she will find someone else very soon and he will be able to give her all the happiness she deserves. i just wish it could be me!!! thanks again all of you.
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A
female
reader, Lunabird  +, writes (7 September 2009):
I am in a similar boat. I've been dating my bf for two months now. He lives 5 hrs away and everytime I'd ask when we were meeting he had an excuse. He finally told me he was terrified of disappointing at some point in the relationship. But in the beginning I was the one terrified to meet him because I am overweight. The thing that irritated and scared me most was that he kept telling me I wasn't fat. When clearly I am. It made me feel like well if he doesn't think I'm fat now he's going to really freak when he sees me. Now I'm not telling you to tell her she is fat. That's just mean haha. But what helped me overcome my fear was that he finally said that no matter what weight I was, 95 pounds or 400 pounds he would still love me. Plus it helped he said he likes meat on women. So, maybe try to incorporate that into conversation if she still makes excuses to not meet with you. But my tables turned on me. And now he's terrified to meet me. It is so very difficult to try and not talk about meeting eachother when it's something you want so badly and is something u think of most of the day. Idk how long is too long to without meeting. But I know one thing and that is that I keep giving him love and understanding. I'm working on be patient. Lol. Best of luck with you!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks again for all of your input people, it has really helped me decide what i need to do. heres the plan, from the 12th of september until the 19th i have the house completely to myself. i will ask this girl if she would like to meet up in town ( which we both live in ) and maybe come back to my place and have a few drinks and get to know eachother better. This will also be the deciding factor for me on whether she really is interested or whether she is just telling me things which she knows i want to hear. This is a perfect opportunity for us to meet because A) i think she might be concerened about meeting my family also which in this situation she wont have to and B) i have the week off of work and so does she. so there is no possible reason for her not to be able to meet if she really is as interested as she makes out. i have waited a long time to meet her and she has given me lots of excuses why she cant. so all she can do to get out of this is to simply say no and tell me her reasons for doing so.i realise this is not exactly the most delicate way to deal with this but im in need of answers from her and i can see no other way of getting them short of using this method and putting her on the spot. i have not put my plan into action yet so if any of you feel this is illadvised or have a better plan of action for me please feel free to tell me. if this does indeed go the way i think it will i will not abandon her i will still be friends with her aslong as she wants me to be, this is not something i would even think of doing after all shes been through i just need to know whether i have a shot at being her bf or not. thankyou
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): Tell her you honestly do not care how she'd look in person, all you know is when you talk to her online you feel so amazing and would love nothing more than to experience those feelings in person because knowing she'd be right there would make the feelings literally feel stronger and more exciting... one thing that got me to like a guy once was because he said he dated an extremely large girl (which was wayyyy bigger than me) and the fact he could do that made me feel comfortable enough with myself to meet him
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for your input guys, all really great answers.
well all of you have picked up on the fact that yes she is very self concious about her image. i have seen recent pictures of her and they do indicate she is quite a big girl, but really and truly that does not bother me in the slightest, its her personality that i like about her.
we have never discussed her weight as im not that insensitive and i feel that if i did that would make her feel even worse than she already does. when she shows me new pictures of herself i tell her how amazing she looks because that is how i feel, but she just calls me a liar and says that i must be joking. how can i let her know that im not joking and what i say is truly how i feel?
after i tried to arrange to meet up serveral times i gave up on trying because i didnt want to make her feel presured into meeting me. but it is apparent that she will never ask to meet up even though she still maintains that she would like to us to be a couple. how can that happen over msn?
if she is happy with the online relationship we have then thats ok and there is no way i would ever just dump her because of this, it would be nice if she would let me know that is all she wants because at the moment this is really messing with my head.
so what should i do now, should i ask her whether there will ever be anything pyhsical between us? even though she should already know how i feel about the way she looks, should i reiterate my point that i think she is perfect as she is. what can i do to fully make this situation clear in my head and maybe even make her fully understand how i feel about her.
thanks in advance
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): She could just be afraid to meet a stranger who she has met online after all we are constantly warned about it everyday. Talking and buiding a relationship on line is a whole different story to actually meeting in person. In some respect it as big a thing has having sex with your partner for the first time for some people.
I also agree with the other two post her appearance may be something that she is not comfortable with. Dont keep pressuring her to meet up with you she may well be happy with just the online relationship you have.
If you want a physical relationship I suggest you let her know or let her go and look elsewhere. If it is just an online friendship she wants please dont just dump her she has obviously found a friend to talk to in you and at a guess you are probably quite important to her right now. You said she has been going through a bad time so could this have anything to do with her reluctance?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): I am not a slender person myself, and was terrified to let people I liked online see me in person... Though I took great pictures, they usually hid the fact I'm over weight... She needs to just take a chance and see where it goes in person, every time I met someone, regardless of my size, the guy always liked me because they knew me for me to start with, and that usually always changes things when you first meet.
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