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male
,
*ostleo
writes: I feel like I'm always walking on thin ice here. I met a woman at work. She was in a relationship for six years with the same man. It all began by us going golfing on the weekends together while her boyfriend was at work. I respect people that are in relationships, so I never made any advances toward her other than casual flirting. One weekend we were invited to a "work" outing. There was drinking involved, and after a few too many she made a move to kiss me. Being a bit too buzzed myself I happily agreed with her gesture, and sparks flew. We knew we should be together. She stayed with me that night and was determined to leave her boyfriend. She did. She moved out to an apartment that I could literally see from my bedroom window. We spent every day for 2 months together. It was wonderful. She has absolutely breathtaking beauty, and every characteristic I could ever want in a woman. Then one day she started talking to her ex and decided that we were moving way too fast. She started hanging out with him. (only a few times a month) Once that happened I realized I was only just a rebound. Now she wants to just be friends, but when I give her the distance she asks for she comes back and wants to kick it every day. Then she talks to him again and...well you get the picture. I know we both feel strongly for each other, so much in fact that when we do hang out, we have nothing but fun, and have a phenomonal sex life. I finally confronted her about this "cycle" and told her it was eating me up inside. She told me that she can't commit to me because she doesn't want to lose her ex forever. It seems like the more I push for us to be together, the more she pushes me away. That was 2 weeks ago just before she went on vacation. We didn't talk the entire time, and then she gets back and says to me that she was talking to her mom and admitted that she could love me unconditionally, so went spent every waking minute for the next 5 days together, and I was in heaven. We both were. Then she goes to dinner with him a few nights ago (to get the rest of her stuff), and now she wants to be friends AGAIN. I'm sorry for the long question, but I don't know what to do. One minute she tells me she loves me and COULD spend the rest of her life with me, and the next minute, she's going to dinner with him and telling me she wants to be friends. I'm confused because she left him because they didn't enjoy each other anymore, and she feels things with me that she hasn't felt in a really, really long time. What can I do to show her that I am a suitable replacement for him, give her whatever she wanted, and treat her like she deserves to be treated?? As a side point; Can I trust her? This is killing me because every other week I lose the love of my life, and my soulmate, and she just expects me to be cool with it when she does it. Then she comes back!! We still work together, in a very small office, so the no contact rule is a virtual impossibility. Please help!!
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male
reader, lostleo +, writes (20 July 2006):
lostleo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice to all. I have have made a decision to look out for myself. If this girl diesn't realize a good thing when she sees it, then her ignorance will land her in another relationship that will inevitably flop. I don't wish bad things on her, but I've had enough of being the nice guy, and getting dragged through the mud for it. Thanks again! =)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2006): dear Lostleo,
Maybe you should consider that her ex isn't the only reason she is having difficulty with this decision. Maybe it has something to do with you wanting to be her boyfriend so quickly. This is the first time I have been single and on my own my entire life and I can't jump right back into another relationship. I need to figure out what I want for a moment and maybe not worry about everyone else for a change. You don't think that I am late at night pondering all of my choices I have made in the past couple of months. I know all this "yo yoing" as you put it is killing you but what do you want me to do. Sometimes timing has a lot to do with it. I can't at this moment dedicate myself to you or him. I realized since I was attacking you at the beer festival that I was obviously not happy with my current situation and I changed it. You had a lot to do with that... actually most of it. And I thank you for that you showed me that I could be with someone who could make me extrememly happy and I deserved to be happy.
Okay and the friends thing I have been pushing this on you for a while. But it is hard we spend a lot of time together at work and everywhere else that sometimes it is difficult to draw the line.
Sincerely
me :)
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (29 June 2006):
 Hi lostleo,
In a way even though you didnt mean to you sort of got yourself involved in a steady relationship between two folks for 6yrs.THis might be the problem becos it seems girlfriend still feels abit of devotion to her ex.
my advise for you here is that you have to let her know what she is doing to you. Tell her how you feel(that is precisely what you wrote here).If you dont do that this process is going to continue and you will get hurt. if she says she wants to be with her ex then make sure she realises that you will accept this as her final decision.
whatever she decides you have to be strong. if she is going to be with you then let her know that the issue with her ex should be the last. If she decides otherwise then it will be best to move on with your life. I know you will find someone out there who will be devoted entirely to you.
Do try and go out to occupy yourself dont dwell on everything. goodluck.
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