A
male
age
36-40,
*igdave
writes:Dear CupidI've been with my girlfriend for nearly two years now. After a year and a half we broke up for two months... we were still crazy about each other but had moved in together and were having huge problems.We got back together after two months and straight away I noticed a change in her, she was so unaffectionate and kept making excuses not have sex. Eventually she came clean with me that she had been raped during our break up. This was devastating but we soldiered through it and took sex completely off the cards. We built back a fantastic friendship and deep caring for another again, but her lack of affection has been getting me down recently (and I'm not talking about sex, it's the normal things like being kissed, hugged, holding hands etc). Although she does show she loves me, by always telling me and getting me presents and stuff.She has now decided she wants to go on a break as she doesn't feel ready for a relationship, but wants me to wait until she's ready. It has been very tearful on both counts and I have said that I will support her in whatever decision she makes that helps her heal and will wait.I just want to know is if we could ever have a normal relationship ever again and what to do. She won't get professional help as she feels ashamed to bring it up with other people. I love her so much and don't know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009): I admire your willingness to help her! I really can relate to her! As a child I was molested and then raped at the tender age of 15 and it has truly messed my life up to have something this bad happen can mess your life up for good I never got help or just had someone that I could trust and talk to! Now it has been 20 years since I was molested and 12 years since the rape took place I didn't come out till I was about 24 and now my boyfriend for 8 years has to take all the pain and stress that I put him through I don't trust (i am working on that) and that really hurts a relationship but I do think that for her to talk about it as often as she needs will help the heeling process for her maybe if she can just vent to you it might just make all the difference in the world! If she has a true best friend someone that will not judge her I would tell her to vent to them to it helps! When I finally told my Best Friend it really took a lot off of my shoulders and my boyfriends to! But just stand by her and let her be the one to make the first sexual move, let her talk about as often as she needs to cause right now she needs someone that will not judge her but admire her braveness in telling someone!But just remember she will always have this horrible act in the back of her head! Good Luck!
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