A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’m not sure how to proceed. I met another female through work and we started talking and in a way developed a sort of friendship. We would often text outside of work and I felt we had things in common which is what helped me become closer and want to continue being friends with her However recently I found out in some ways she was pretending/lying about things. She made it seem she was lonely without many friends and that she felt unattractive. She also made it seem she was basically all work and didnt socialize with others outside of that due to her boundaries. She even talked about a guy she was dating The reality is she has always and continues to go out regularly drinking with a group of employees. She is very well liked and has a ton of friends or people she could hang out with. Also based on what has been said she is likely a lesbian. None of this matters to me except the fact that I feel she was deceptive and misleading to me. I’m unsure or if it would be helpful to kind of address it with her or just forget about the “friendship “ completely. I’m unsure why she would lie
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2024): You cannot change what other people think and say and how they behave, but you can decide whether that is good enough for you.
I recently went out for a meal with a new friend, knowing very little about her. We had only met a few times at a social do.
Suddenly she blurted out to me that she wanted me to go to her home and paint the kitchen for her - because that would leave her with more spare time to meet up with her friends! Now add to that she is much fitter and healthier than me, she does not work and has more time than me, I am unfit and unhealthy and have to pay people to do such things for me, and I work and have less time than her. But most of all
why would I be interested in doing her chores for her just to save her doing it herself or paying someone?
This lady often talks to people as if they are her unpaid slaves. But I did not know that until then and talking to others.
Now I could have told her all of this and had a go, which is how I felt, I felt very angry towards her that she was talking to me as if I was only fit to make her life better at my expense. But instead I just distanced myself and became unavailable. My opinion of her changed. I no longer like her and respect her. So it really does not matter because she opened my eyes to the real her and I know to avoid her now. Great. She did me a favour. I could have wasted a lot more time on her.
I am short of friends and it was a blow to me. I could have done with a nice, genuine, kind, fair, respectful new friend.
But not one who expects me to take a week off of work unpaid, at my expense, to do her chores for her. So she is no loss.
Remember that - SHE IS NO LOSS.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2024): Not all "normally functioning people" are healthy. I have met a lot of people with personality disorders. They are not the only ones that lie.
People lie for all sorts of reasons. The question is not WHY. The question is do you want a liar in your life?
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