A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My relationship with my ex was not without problems, mainly caused by her having OCD and depression while I was struggling with the pressure of having to fight my ex-wife to get to see my kids.It wasn't working out and we decided to split. However, we ended up living together as "friends" as neither of us could really afford to move, we both enjoyed each others company and (the main reason) she needed my support and care with her OCD. In fact, nothing much altered at all except we had our own bedrooms.She started to get help with her problems, and we spoke about maybe giving things another try and she decided that she needed to get better first and I agreed this was important. She told me that she didn't want a relationship with anyone until then, and that we would see how we felt when that time came. I trusted her word, and life carried on.Last week she told me that she had slept with someone else. I was pretty hurt at hearing this, though I accept that if we are not a couple she is free to do as she pleases. However, I decided that the time had come for me to move on, move out and get on with my life.On hearing this she got upset, said that she "can't cope without me" and doesn't want me to go because she knows that will really be the end and in case she realises that she wants us to be back together.However, she just wants things to carry on as they were, living together as "friends" while basically acting as a couple in all but name. She won't commit to actually being a couple, wanting instead to wait until she's better and then see how we feel.I would be willing to try again at making a relationship work, but think she is being unfair expecting me to hang around acting as her partner without receiving the expressed love and security you would expect from partner.So, I don't know what to do... is she being unfair? Am I being a fool? Any thoughts would be appreciated (and yes, I already know I type too much!)Thank you.
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ex-wife, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2009): Codependent... Yes, it does seem that it is getting that way.Thank you "Gothgirl" - your answer makes a lot of sense.
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (27 July 2009):
 In short, you deserve the title of her man! You deserve the name of couple.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (27 July 2009):
She wants emotional support from you, but she is not giving you emotional support it sounds like. This sounds like a codependent relationship to me. I'm sure she can cope without you, she just doesn't want to face it. She basically betrayed your trust by sleeping with someone else, she may claim, oh it wasn't a relationship, just a one night stand, but my friend, it was a sexual relationship! Sounds like she is throwing some cop outs at you. Tell her that you love her whether she is better or not, and that you have to deal with her and her problems whether she is better or not, and you are going out or not, so you might as well be a couple. If this doesn't work, leave. You can't spend your whole life being her "caretaker." You do so much for her, that you need to be considered as someone prominent in her life.
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