A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so here's the rub, I'm a male 6 - 7 years older than his ...girlfriend? It's complicated. She recently decided that she wanted to take a break from the relationship because she constantly feels like a bad person due to the fact I'm making most of the emotional, material, and time investment in the relationship- in addition she snaps when she's moody far more than I do. It's long distance and has been/was going on for over two years.She says she loves me, needs me to hold her, and I love her and want to hold her.I've almost always taken care to be calm and patient with her and never judged her or tried to control her. She says she wants to drop back and just be friends for a bit- but I don't want that, not that I have much of a choice. She has no idea how long she wants to be in this state, has said she intends to still be loyal to me but has given me leave to explore other potential relationships. I do not want to explore them if I can have a future with her, but I don't want to be the chump waiting for something that's never going to happen. She feels she is not contributing anything to the relationship, and wants to make sure she's in a position where she wants to contribute before taking the relationship back on.I am grateful to have a straight shooting woman, but what if anything can I do? I don't want to wait around with my thumb up my ass for fear she will drift to someone else local. I am not as jealous as I was when I was a 18, she goes out dancing with her friends and sometimes dances with guys- I trust her because she trusts me and I know I'm faithful so I can only assume she is.(I live in Canada she lives in US, we usually see each other in person once every three to five months- it was thought we'd do this until she and I are finished with school and can get our own place together). She's 19 and I'm 26 (my birthday is before hers, so she'll be 20 then I'll be 27 the year after before she has another b-day).What do I do? Pushing her is obviously out of the question, and I don't feel I can let myself sit on the side like a too-available treat.
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a break, jealous, long distance Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009):
think the space thing is either because she love you very much and doesn't want you to waste your life waiting for her or she wants to shag someone else.
I see several ways for this to go.... you wait for her forever (you aren't a Labrador) you go after her (you aren't a spaniel) or you think ok i am going to give her 6 months space, during which time i will tell her solidly exactly how i feel, then let her have the space and time.
after 6 months i go back and say the truth - that you have missed her and how is she? but i would prepare for a fall. during that time, go out and enjoy life. Dont wait around....it flows like water.
doesnt have to be 6 months, could be 3 months or 1 - up to you guys...
Star.x.
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