A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm troubled that I'm currently a father, 35, of a special needs son. I have custody of the little guy. In May, I met a seemingly wonderful woman, who was about to turn 34 years old. She has no children. She's wonderful with my son. After about two months into the relationship, she drops this bombshell, after I discovered that she had a home-made porn video of her and a f*ckbuddy she'd casually seen, meanwhile seeing other men in the same time frame. So, anyway, the big bombshell was that just a few months prior to meeting her, she had menage-a-trois with her female friend, a mother of two, and this friend's live-in boyfriend.I was completely floored. I so don't respect people who are promiscuous. Then it's icing on the cake that she had bisexual experience in the menage-a-trois. I discovered that she was looking forward just days before to eating the carpet, you could say. Then lastly, I also found that during the last few months of her prior marriage, she was online sending nude photos and giving 'shows' on her camcorder to some loser overseas in Britain.Am I missing something? Just because her marriage had just ended (10 year marriage) and she's 32 yrs old, doesn't mean that she should turn into Ladyf*cks-a-lot, does it? There's NO morals in what she's done. I was lied to repeatedly until I stumbled into discovery. Before meeting her, she'd claimed she hadn't really been with anybody since her ex-husband, which was over a year ago. Turns out, she was sexually active in the same week upon meeting me. Just peppered with lies.So, what to do? She's done nothing since May, save the chronic lying, that would indicate she's cheating. Yet her troubled past and sexual confusion (lesbian acts with her best friend) really morally drive me away.I've moved in with her prior to this ultimate discovery. My son, again, special needs - age 7, is really happy with her. She's great with him. My problem pivotally is that my own ex-wife doesn't have custody because she lost a lot of weight last year, and left our son and me for another man. A man who was a father of three kids...and also he happened to be engaged.So given my marriage of 10 years meant nothing to a woman, and now here's another woman who (to me) cheated on her ex by the actions online with the man overseas..not to mention the hosts of sexually casual stupidity..and lesbianism..what the hell should I do. I keep trying to ignore this unhappy feeling and it literally makes me sick to my stomach. I get so angry physically and emotionally that I shiver. I can't stand that she had sex so casually..with so many people, at the age of 32-33 yrs old. It's so stupid. Anyway, sorry for the rant. How would you handle a female with this history, given the circumstances of the little boy, and her past actions? *again, she's been nothing but wonderful since I met her, save the lying. Given what my ex did, I can't really trust anybody blindly now.
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best friend, engaged, ex-wife, her ex, her past, lesbian, moved in, my ex, porn Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): You don't have a friend,you have a living, breathing,sexual-cesspool. And if you can't see that, God help you,my blind Friend.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): Regardless of whom you talk to and whatever reasoning she gives to you,her lifestyle has crossed your moral boundaries...no matter how sweet and loving she is to you, there will always be a stain on her character in your mindset. Sometimes I think it best to keep your sexual history a secret from you current partner but in this case she has given it to you double barrels. Personally I think, regardless of how loving she is toward you, deep down you will never be able to forgive her, because she breaches your own moral code. Nothing wrong with that, it's your self preservation, your upbringing and what you conceive to be right or wrong. So in my opinion it's going to be a relationship filled with loathing and distrust.For your own personal wellbeing, best to end it now. Better to find someone who is within your own boundaries and adheres to your own moral code. I think you're going to be fighting a battle, which will end up eating you up inside for a very long if you continue a relationship with this individual.Best of luck, life is hard sometimes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): I think your main concern should be to focus on what sort of a person this woman is rather than her past actions.The world is large and our lives are short. Has anyone been hurt by her past acts or is it only your sense of propiety that has been challenged?Look - you know best what you can live with; all I can really suggest is 'hate the sin, love the sinner.'
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (17 December 2007):
 Hey - there is such a thing as moral compatability. Nothing wrong with her, nothing wrong with you. Just the way you are. Sometimes there's a close match apart from a couple of issues. Sounds like this is a "match-breaker" for you. That's just the way things are. You'll find someone else I'm sure who has a profile you will find more suitable. At least, it helps you know what you're looking for.
Good luck
Richard
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