A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi aim 20 years old young man and I have being dating this girl (19yrs) for three years till now and my problem is that every time after we had sex she will complain about pains and that we committed a sin because we are both Christians but not attending the same church. We had sex 3 times since once every year. She told me that she made a promise with God that she will have sex after marriage before I meet her, so now she is worried that she break the promise several time. Her mother died early this year and that also affected her a lot, now she dropout of college because she thinks the course was not right for her. Today she phone me and told me that we must take a break on our4 relationship ,but for me Aim confused and aim not sure that she really need a break or maybe she want to forget about me in a way that she will not get hurt but hurting me because I will wait for nothing. So can I give her a break or what can I do PLAESE HELP. She also told me that every night she thinks of the we had sex and wish it could happen again but she does not to think like because she believe is a sin.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Boogs  +, writes (3 June 2009):
Hello there. I am not a medical professional but it sounds like your girlfriend might be suffering from a psychological condition called vaganismus (vaginal spasms). It basically means that the muscles 'down there' are very tense making sex difficult (and painful) or even impossible. I think your girlfriend feels guilty about breaking the promise she made when she was younger and this is causing her to literally close herself off although it's likely it's subconcious and not a deliberate rejection of you.I won't comment much on the religious aspect of your situation as I'm an atheist but what I would say is that you've been together for quite a while so it sounds like you're commited to each other. I guess that she's asked for a break so she can remove herself from temptation but it's obvious she's torn between her love for her God and her love for you. In her position I would be very confused.Tell her you miss her companionship and want to keep seeing her but that you don't expect to sleep with her again unless she feels comfortable with the idea. If you are intimate again then make sure there's plenty of affection and foreplay so that's she's relaxed and her body has chance to respond. Let her know that you can stop straight away if it hurts her so she can slowly start to feel more in control and hopefully start enjoying it! A little lubricant can work wonders too and I don't want to nag but make sure you're using birth control.Hope you guys manage to work things out. Good luck.
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