A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ive been seeing my boyfriend for about 2months and we are really crazy about each other..it didnt go so smoothly in the begining i kissed another guy at a party i told him straight away and i though we had things back on track..our main problem is arguing over a female friend of his ive never met the girl but she dispises me she will say stuff like has she been keeping her hands to her self to my boyf over the phone everytime they talk quite frankly i dont think she should ask questions like that about our relationship....he tells her things about our relationship and they are very close she says horrible things about me they will have a falling out then a day later everything will be ok again with themeverytime i see him after he's been talking to her he's in a mood or funny with meshe makes a big impact on our relationshipshes added me as a friend on facebook although we've never met probably just to see my profile She says she wants to get to know me and meet me but I feel her attitude is unacceptable and I don't want to meet heram i being unreasonable?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Hi there. I know this must be hard for you. It's not fun knowing that people in your life are creating a wedge and some division between you and your bf. You ask if you are being unreasonable. Well, no you aren't, none of us want to bring people into our lives that can create these angry feelings in us. But I have to say something. You have two very important facts here, to consider 1) you and your bf have 'only' dated 2 months and you both are establishing trust which leads eventually to respect and love 2) Your bf has established a close friendship with this other girl, that likely has built over time. So there is a semblance of trust between them as well. So...could it be that he trusts her more than you, if he's known her much longer. Now, don't take this the wrong way, but trust is a very important thing in any type of human relationship, be it a platonic friendship or a serious love relationship. Trust builds respect which in turn builds a solid base for the relationship. Many of us feel just simply dating someone, will give you their 'automatic' trust. It's not that way..trust is earned over time with good actions (such as being loyal, being kind, faithful and working hard at the relationship) The problem I am seeing here, is that in 2 short months, your bf and you have been dating, he's not trusting you, completely. He just has to get there. And you need to act with dignity and caringness, to helping him get there. He could be saying he is but he isn't. So he does what a lot of people do, they listen and take note of the words said to them, by people they do trust. In this case, this female friend holds that position, perhaps? So here he is, asking her for her advisement on his relationship with you...and she says some nasty stuff. So they fall out and in a couple days, she likely apologizes and they are friends again. It's a revolving door. Now you may not like her, but he likes her as a friend. I am going to suggest to you, that you would be better off making her your friend than an enemy. She doesn't have to be your best friend, but a she can be someone who can enhance your life, rather than causing you stress, Have you ever heard the old expression "kill them with kindness'. That is where you behave with self-pride and in a dignified way, with any people who are in your life. You prove to them your worthiness, irregardless of how they talk about you. You prove to yourself, that you won't stoop to that level--that you are not one to resort to vindictive tactics to get your point made. This is what your bf will take note of you and that behavior builds respect and trust..two important ingredients in a healthy relationship. Let go of these hard feelings. No one else can make or break your life. Yes-your bf's friend was wrong to do what she did, but how long do you want this to carry on? Put your energies into building a positive relationship with her-this will mean you are being responsible for making your own life better and happier. It is a two way street when we are dealing with each other. So, let's all try to get on the same street and walk in respect for ourselves and each other. Good luck and be happy
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