A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 6 years and I love my wife. She told me that she loves me and I am her best friend, but says she feels like there is something more out there. I always felt we had a good, stable, and honest marriage, but she asked me for a divorce. I asked her and she agreed to go to counseling, but she says it won't do any good because she just feels like she missed something in life. She was 23 and was just out of college when we met, I was 26. Is this marriage over? Is this a common feeling? How do I give her space, but make sure she knows I love her. I want to save the marriage or at least know that I did all I could. Please give me ideas.
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male
reader, fisherman4u1 +, writes (17 September 2008):
I have a woman that i have been seeing in over a year now, she tells me she loves me but she is not per say in love with me, but she has asked me for space to date a few men to see what her true feelings are, if she has any for me in the romantic love department.So this is my advice to you, let her search her heart give her that needed space and time to reason with her true feeling toward you so that she can find your heart, if she honestly has one for you, and is in love with you, time heals everyone, so give her time and if it was meant to be between you then she will return knowing she truly loves the inner you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): Im going to try to make this short but Im sure its not going to be. Im kinda in the same situation dont know if my wife found someone elts or not. She took my two kids and went back home and told me she was never coming back. After about a week she felt that she was will to try again but by this time I had changed everything and didnt tell her. When she found out she wasnt getting the money like we discussed she went off the handle and so did I. Needless to say she said we were never going to get back together now after what I have done. She has put alot of the blame on me but it is a marriage and I've seen where she has done wrong but have not pointed it out to her. She in imature as well in my opinion. We've been married for 6 1/2 years and two wonderful kids together. First thing is you cant play the blame game because that will get you no where. Next you cant beg her and pleed with her thats only going to drive her away. Now you need to make sure your emotions are always in check when you talk to her. When you speak about what you think is wrong say what is wrong with you because you arnt in your wifes head and dont know what really is wrong with her all you have is what youve seen and its your opinion not facts. You can tell her how your actions made you feel by saying I felt " " this when you fill in the blank here! The biggest thing is when you speak it is with logic a cool head and you discuss the facts of what may be wrong. When I ask myself what could be our problem I see she still resents the fact that I had asked her for a seperation early in our marriage to sort out if what I had decided was a right discission. And she spent alot of time at home and only had me for interaction and unless I could be with her all day it was only leaving a situation that could grow lonelyness. I also didnt make one set day a week for just the two of us even if it was only going to the park to walk and talk. Another big thing is when she is talking listen completely and dont interupt her and she needs to do the same. ONE BIG THING IS YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOURSELF, she needs to change herself as well but you cant make her change she need to come and realize this herself. But the mood your in and the way you act will radiate to the people around you. If your in a good mood it just may put the people around you in a good mood. When face to face with her you need to smile and be happy no matter how hard it is. By no means am I a professional or even clam to know what im talking about but from reading all the articles I have and books they all have thease key things in commen. There is alot more to do than just the few things Ive said but through looking online and reading relationship books youll see. Another big thing is you got to WANT IT AND NOT Give up for a second because when you do she'll pick up on that and give up aswell. A relationship is never easy and when we sit back and not add to it, it will start to fall apart. One thing I read is that its like a garden if we dont manage it it will start to become overgrown and wither and die. But if you go at it hard charging you will come out on top or you would have done everything you could have for it and have no regrets in signing thoughs divorce papers. Although Frank offers some good advice there is also bad advice. Sex is a big part in a relationship but men only need to have sex, women need to have the emotional side of them filled then they will feel the need to fill the other half of the which is intamacy. Granted women need to worked into sexy unless it is something they really really enjoy but most need to be romanced. She has already told you this when she told you about the person she met her romanced her. You dont have to do it every time but its the little things that build it up and the really big thing you do that sets the romance over the top. The romance side of women always needs to be a on going thing. Now the problem i had with FRANKS comment was his sugestion of adding someone to the mix or even try swinging. This 98% of the time will blow up in your face if you try it. Some people will be able to do it because they dont have the emotional envalement or their relationship is so strong that they are able to accept that where by the sounds of it yours is not. And if you look at what you wrote shes already added another person to the relation ship and the outcome is now she wants to leave with him. Well pretty straight froward you cant go with the swinger option! :)
Like I said in the start of this I am by no means an expert but from what I've been reading its straight forward stuff and it makes sence its just guys don't look at a relationship the same way as a women does. Thats why we need to work twice as hard to understand the way they do look at it. Im sure you've heard the saying if you love something set it free if it comes back it was ment to be. That saying is bullshit. If you love something or beleive in something with every fiber in your body you will fight with every ounce of energy in your body to keep it or make it right. Only then after you've exausted every option that you have to you can you look at yourself and say I have done everything possible and this was just not ment to be. Not only can you walk away with your head up high but you have no added stuff on your back leaving you free to start a new relationship free and clear. If you dont you will be asking yourself for sometimes is there something more I could have done. If its any light or help most every relationships that work through their tuff problems report being happier or extreamly happier 5 years later after the incident. You and her need to forgive one another and not hold it against one another if either one of you do it will only cause pain that will eat at your happiness. My wife needs to learn this as well as myself. I hope I havn't wrote this post to late and I hope that you and your wife work things out or atleast bring closure to one another. so you both can live a happy full life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2007): Things are still up in the air with us. But I would say that it is very much more likely the divorce will happen. I am trying everything to work on the marriage, but it doesn't work if she won't work at it too. I appreciate the advice. I had absolutely no idea this was coming and the shock and pain of it hurt me and made me feel like never before. I feel a marginally better now, but I still don't understand and probably never will.If anybody out there has had something similar I am curious to know how long the process takes until I feel normal again. What were the stages and time frame for what you went through?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2007): listen dude...u gotta know this one thing about women, u make a big gesture and they love it, but to really make them want u remind them of the past, tell her about the days wen u did have fun...make sure u tell her its a good thing she told u this, because now u can fix it, say to her u would rather be building bridges with her and arguing with her for the rest of ur life, than spend a single day with another women. Change urself also...make sure ur not too depressed about the situation or two serious, smile wen u speak to her, and as my father always said, once u make a girl laugh, u can make her love u...i kno its sometimes to make some1 laugh...but trust me do it, try all sorts of stupid things NOT JOKES!! be poetic with her, tell her how waking up and seeing her evrey morning is something u take for granted, wen it is as beautiful as watching the sun rise, as beautiful as a bright full moon in a dark and lonley night...tell her that she makes u safe, she makes u whole, she makes u [ur name goes here]. wish u the best of luck mate...and dnt let go! i know its tempting to let go of her because she might say mean things but dont, sometimes women try to run away, to see if u would hold on..
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2007): Hey , I was just curious if you are doing ok? Is everything ok ?
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 May 2007):
 Dude, I am sorry to hear this. Please see a lawyer as soon as you can, and protect your accounts, your credit, and know your rights. Even if she comes back to you now, I think you know you could never trust her again. My heart goes out to you.
-Frank B Kermit
franktalks.com
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2007): I found out that there is another man she met in Germany when she was on a 1 week trip there for work. She is "swept away" with him and they feel they both found true love. He does hip hop music on the side and they talk about recording together and how he has made her a track. The more I think about this, I don't think I can ever trust her again and that she doesn't act as mature as a 31 year old woman should.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (17 May 2007):
Sounds like she has lots of regrets. She needs to experience life more. Basically she still needs to grow up, and when she does finish growing up, she might not be the same person that would have married you. THis really sucks. Fact is, she MADE A COMMITTMENT, and now she regrets it.
Two things to consider: The first is that over the course of the relationship, does she feel that she has become more of your mother, and less of your lover? If so, that will be one of the biggest factors you have the power to control and change. Sometimes, you have to be the leader of the relationship, and not her best friend. Best friends are not always the best for "attraction". Men and women are different in this respect.
Second, all those things she feels she missed out on could include you IF you are willing. Maybe she needs to travel, or get something out of her system, learn about herself. If these interests are non-sexual you can do them with her, and maybe "raise" her yourself. Again, this is the difference between leading the relationship, and being equal partners. Equality does not mean attraction long term.
If what she seeks is sexual experience to feel complete, try exploring sexuality together, and with other people if you can see your way to it. Learn everything you can about being a skillful lover. If that is not enough for her, then think about swinging.
In the end, she sounds immature, and I hope that you do NOT have children with this woman until she makes up her mind once and for all. Even if she says getting pregnany will save the relationship, do not belevie it for one second. She is not emotionally ready for any family, and will wreck your life if she gets her way in this regard. You need to be the leader now, becuase she is too immature to really know what she wants.
Good luck.
-FBK
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