A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I dated one girl for 3 and half months, and about 2 weeks ago we broke up. She said let's take time out until we both go to UK. (We are going to UK for university together). And I might go to UK by end of September. If my visa gets refused I will go to UK in January. And she is going to UK in January too. I don't really understand why she is taking a break until January and I don't know what to do. She didn't tell me the specific reason for time out. She said I need to do some thinking and by the time I go to UK, I will be ready. So let's start all over again in UK". What should I do? I really love her a lot and I don't want to let her go for now. I'm afraid about losing her to some other dickhead guys. I'm afraid what if her feelings about me will change. Now we are still sending text messages to each other and meet rarely. But I feel like she is hiding something. (It's just my feelings so it can be wrong). I tried to talk with her but she says just wait until January, I need some time to be alone. I don't know if I'm right or not, but if someone falls in love, do they need time to be alone? Please tell me what to do. I'm not this weak. I always used to solve my problems alone. I've never been depressed, upset, lonely, sad, disappointed and nervous. But ever since I've fallen in love with her I become so weak. So please help me matesThank you
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 September 2010):
 It's too early to tell whether she has feelings for you. She is very practical and won't disclose her intimate side until she's certain that the relationship is workable. She's basically saying don't let emotions confuse issues. She wants you to think about whether a romantic relationship can work out in college, whether you would be tempted to go to wild parties and flirt with other women. In the mean time she wants to be alone to think about what she wants too. Not every Asian girl wants marriage right after college. She wants a break because she doesn't want to invest in you and then be disappointed later. People who used to be innocent could change and be influenced by peer pressure once they get into college. Right now you may not know what you want but a lot of young people just want to explore before settling down. It doesn't mean you have to. She sounds like she wants to see options but you feel it's unfair because you want only her. The only thing you could do is keep texting her but not pressure her. The future can be unpredictable you can't be so sure that your feelings won't change either.
A
female
reader, MrsP26  +, writes (13 September 2010):
This is a very difficult situation. In answer to your question, yes, people in love do need time to be on their own, sometimes, because love is a very strong emotion it can haze things a little so maybe the lady in question needs some time to focus on University, and cannot devote the time needed to both you and to the next huge step in her life. Maybe you both need to concentrate on this next huge step in your life, even though it is difficult, and respect her wishes to resume at a later date. Love is very powerful as i have already mentioned and if you smother someone with it then it can have a negative affect, if you love her you have to let her go, if the love is destined to be she WILL come back to you. xx
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