A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey. I am 16 years old, and I am in love with a girl that I am really close friends with. We dated for a while last year, and later on ended up having sex. The thing I am concerned about is something that happened about 3 weeks ago. I probably should have posted something earlier, but oh well. Anyway, she has a boyfriend and they have been going out for about a month now. One day, a few weeks back, she came to my house to watch a movie with me by herself. We were watching the movie, and she started flirting with me like crazy (getting closer to me, putting her land on my leg, laying down on my lap and stuff like that). As much as I really really wanted to, I didn't respond to it, I just basically ignored it, just because of the fact that she has a boyfriend. Also, me and her had sex while she was with one of my close friends, so I definitley didn't want to do that again. Then after the movie, we left the living room and went into my room. She started laying down on my bed and stuff, and telling me how it's been a long time since we've hung out alone. The thing about her is that she is very promiscuous, and sleeps around a lot. She claims she loves her boyfriend a lot, but she cheated on him with two other guys. But even so, I'm her closest male friend, and we tell each other everything. I've been with numerous other girls, but it just seems like she is the most special to me. It really hurts to see her with someone else, and we have been hanging out less because of that. I just want to tell her that I love her, and just be with her again. My main questions on this subject are should I ask her about her flirting with me? and is there any possible way I can get back with her?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2007): There isn't really any magical formula that will turn this promiscuous girl into girlfrieind material....she sounds like she is not too serious about her boyfriend and is in it for the sex, not all couples are what they appear to be, she obviously is your friend as you have done a lot together....so I guess you have to decide what it is or what you expect out of this realtionship.
If you don't want to scare her off, don't tell her you love her in words or in writing when she does not seem ready to hear it, she is with someone else. She may just be playing with your feelings by flirting with you...she needs to be mature and break up with her boyfriend instead of making sure she has a back up in you before she breaks it off with him....she sounds like she is afraid to be alone, which is not a good thing....she is emotionally immature, so there you go.
If you want to hint at what you want, just say, I would never date you or sleep with you while you are in a reltionship with someone else, that is just not the right thing to do, I respect you more than that....and leave it alone....when she does become single, ask her out on a proper date, don't just hang out.
A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r  +, writes (4 March 2007):
i seriously feel sorry for both of you. its harsh to say that i know but you guys are messed up.your 16 yet both sleeping around? she has a bf yet slept with 2 other men?. do you two value your lives in any way? do you have morals? do you understand the dangers of sleeping around? understand the values of loving faithfull relations?you say you love her and she loves her bf but both your actions suggest you have lots to learn about love. if you care for her youll show her that sleeping around is wrong. and youll both learn how to respect yourselves and others.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2007): I posted this question, I'm just replying to some of your suggestions... I should probably clarify that question. I lost my virginity to this girl, but it was when she had only had sex with one person before that. A lot of people might say it was a stupid move on my part, but we have always been really close, and the fact that she's had sex numerous times doesn't bother me. I just don't understand why she tried flirting with me like that, and cheating because it seems like she really loves her boyfriend. Also, she's been acting towards me the way she did when we first started liking each other a lot. It's just so hard to tell with her, and I feel like I need to ask her about it, because I know for a fact that she'll give me an honest answer, even if it's not the answer I might want to hear. I just don't know what to do really.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2007): I think you showed maturity by not giving in to her sexual flirty advances, it shows her you won't accept a casual relationship of sex with her anymore....you say you are close friends and she tells you everything, I think you could just say to her that you think a lot of her and that she is very special to you. You might then go on and say that you don't want to see her get hurt by sleeping around, and ask her why she does that to her boyfriend....
That is if you think she will answer you and you feel comfortable asking that.
I would keep playing it as her friend, and don't profess that you love her just yet, she has a boyfriend, and you don't want to appear to be trying to confuse her and steal her away from his affections. Wait for her to be single again, and she may start to think of you as a boyfriend and break up with her boyfriend first.
I would not accept casual sex from her, you know it is not right, and it is not what you want from this relationship, so just be patient and stick to your guns.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (4 March 2007):
 You say that she is promiscuous, and that you've been with numerous other girls. It seems like the two of you are made for each other. 16 is pretty young to be so sexually active. I hope the two of you are aware of the consequences. Both of you sound like having sex is a priority in your lives. Do you or she have any career or life-long goals?
Back to your question. If you can't stand to see her with other people, I suggest you just avoid her altogether, because if she cheats on her boyfriend now, there's a good chance she'll cheat on you if you become her boyfriend.
Good luck!
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