A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I will try to keep this short, but it going to be a little hard....Okay, my girlfriend and I have been dating for 5 and half years (She was 16 and I was 18 when started, now 22 and 24). We never really had too many problems and I know a lot of people respected our relationship. I guess over time our relationship became stagnate or we just put ourselves in autopilot. I failed to show my emotional intimacy as much as I should have...A week ago she asked for a break, saying she depended on me too much and needed some independence. I will be honest, in our relationship she took more care of it then I had. I was very hurt and wanted to try to work things out. Thanksgiving was hell and I just flat out miss her. However, 3 days after the initial blow I thought this was too easy for her, she has always been crazy about me and now is just giving up?!?I snooped and found she had been talking to another guy and they had kissed (only kissed). Everyone around us was shocked because this is not her at all (this is my friends and hers). Well I got the truth out of her and she said she took the break because she is losing her mind and is trying to please two people when she shouldn't be. She said the other guy would never work out and I actually talked to the guy and got him to say he would not talk to her anymore. Now she just wants space to see what she really wants. I am pretty sure she is not considering this other guy anymore, though she did admit to having feelings for him. I think she just got some fairy dust in her eye and has seen that there is more out there.Now here is the thing though...I know we are a great couple when we communicate and try and we just lost that at some point. Something I am willing to never lose again. My biggest regret right now was my lack of care. I have spilled my feelings for her, multiple times since this has happened.She said she wanted space, but to be honest it is hard because we are best friends, lovers, and have seen each other basically everyday for 5 years. She still calls me every morning and at night. She still says I love you. We still walk to school together and enjoys me holding her hand. We still kiss. Tomorrow we are supposed to go to an event together on our town square. I am treating her the way I should have been the whole time and I am making personal changes that I know will improve our relationship. I guess my question is, how can she keep ask for space, but still want me involved in her life so much? I love this girl too much to lose her and I know she is still very much in love with me. This has been a huge wake up call. I know many of you will say, just give her space and she will come back....I guess I just wish it were that easy to do. I'm so worried about losing her.
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a break, best friend, I love you, needs space Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, misshaide +, writes (4 December 2010):
im so glad i could help, and i really hope it works out for you!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): I asked the question. I got the courage to tell her I wouldn't call anymore and she could only call me. I'm hoping she figures everything out. Or even the fear of loss kicks in and she realizes how much I mean to her.
Thank you very much for your response.
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A
female
reader, misshaide +, writes (1 December 2010):
This answer might be a little long but i hope it will help. I am in the same situation right now. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and something like that just happened. I started seeing another guy but i wasnt doing it to please him i wanted it for me, a month ago i asked my boyfriend for a break but i found myself doing everything that your girlfriend is doing i would call him, tell him i love him, the whole gf bf thing, but that was the problem, i say i love him but im starting to realize that maybe im just so used to him i dont know another way, i understand how it might be confusing because whatever happens he will always be my bestfriend. The best thing you can do is put all your feelings out on tha table and make sure she knoes it, but you actually have to give her space so she can really find out what it is she wants, if she calls dont answer all the time, make an excuse not to be with her keep occupied so you dont have to hold her hand, believe me it will be hard but your not helping by acting the same, you need her to be herself with out you, in the end if she still loves you and wants to be with you she will, but i thinkit is in YOUR best interest to make she's with you because she loves you and not just because she is used to you and might be settling. I really hope this helped and i wish you the best of luck!
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