A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is the second time I turn to this website for advice.The short story is that I had a girlfriend for 10 years. She cheated on me, I forgave her but she dumped me. The long story is detailed here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-feel-i-am-probably-losing-her-.html She moved out of my house to an aunt and uncle of her, after a week. After that I made a huge effort to rebuild my life with the support of my family and friends (most are her friends too). I also tried to improve the aspects of my life that she didn't like. Now I am getting confusing signals from her and this is why I would appreciate some explanations or advice from you.First, she has a lot of things left in my house and she drops by to get some things. I told her I can help her moving out but she refused my help or a common friend's help. She also says that she doesn't have much space where she moved (true). In the last two weeks she didn't take much, she can take much more things but she doesn't. From the initial impression I was expecting her to be completely out in a week. At this pace she will be out in a year. She ends up crying (each time I am home), I am not very sure why. She puts a happy face but she starts crying with no apparent reason.She gives a lot of compliments every single time: how special, smart, funny, loyal and attractive I am and that she will not find someone like me ever again. She is very curious about my life and she tells every single detail of hers.Than she tells me that she loves the other guy but she cannot be with him because that guy's family would not approve it because they like his current girlfriend. I think that guy dumped her while she claims she dumped him. I talked with one of her good friends (girl) and she told me that guy is just a jerk. She told me she wants to be alone and dedicate her life to her work, that when she looks at me she feels pain.She is a nervous wreck. She told me that all her friends (including the ones that don't know me) and her family told her that she made a big mistake. Than she tells me that she is impressed and proud of me on how I handled the break up. At work (where the other guy works too) she didn't tell anyone about the break and she is doing some efforts to hide it.We had tickets to a very nice concert (I bought them before the break up). I gave her both tickets to go with whoever she wanted because I didn't want to cause her any more pain. This week, with two days in advance she asked me to go with her because she would feel awkward to go without me. She told me she doesn't feel pain anymore. I accepted (I really like the band) but she started the same stuff again. I was looking at her and she looked at me and starts crying (in public). I asked her "What's wrong, why are you crying?", she: "Because I lost you." ; I was really confused. After the concert she started the same stuff, how great and unique I am but she loves the other guy with whom she cannot be.The problem is that she drives me crazy. I try to find some balance but each time we meet I am a wreck for two days. I still want her and she knows it but at the same time I am trying to adapt to a life without her (more like a backup plan).I don't understand her behavior, any clue where is she heading? Any advice on how should I proceed?
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female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 hrm at the mo my sister going through something similar..her bf was going to cheat on her and now she cant trust him..he now wants her back and she wants to go back but she knows it wont work and she crys alot about it too. it sounds likes shes trying to boost your confidence of how wonderful you are but at the same time she knows it wont work..best bet is to try and give each other time to get over this and not have much contact at all as this is keeping the wounds open and laid bare and everytime you meet your adding salt to the wounds..shes distraught at what has happened but all the while she cant change the past and at the moment she is proberly stuck in a lul of what she wants and what she can actually have.. best bet is keep the distance for a few weeks give each other time to heal.. hope that helps aphex xx
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